I sometimes feel a little guilty about telling my friends to love themselves because I should sometimes listen to my own advice.
It may sound cliche and overused, but really, learning to love yourself is the hardest thing to do, often overlooked and always taking a backseat. We feel that doing everything for love means giving everything to the person. We often find ourselves molding our personalities and character around the person whom we love and sadly, we lose ourselves in the process.
Like Julia Roberts in Runaway Bride, we dress up the way they want us to. We listen to the music that they like. If they like sports, we start taking tennis lessons to be involved. If they hate pop, we hide all our Britney Spears album and buy jazz cds. If they like pasta, we bloat ourselves with bad carbohydrates. We soon find ourselves without friends other than that of theirs. Their friends are the only friends that we can call our own for we don’t hang around our friends and instead spend all our time with their friends. We begin to like what they like and hate what they hate.
We forget our own values, principles, beliefs and religion and start to adopt their own. We just conveniently forget ourselves.
What makes it more sad is that it always backfires. It's always not enough. We always ask ourselves, what more can we do? I have given everything, and more, but it is still not enough. Well, we haven't exactly done everything. We forget the most basic of all rules - we didn't love ourselves first.
Since I have never done any of these for another person, I thought I’m not like this. But I realized that sometimes, (yes, only sometimes, for I am too stuck in my own ways to change my personality and character to accommodate someone), I’m also guilty of not loving myself enough. I am always looking for true love. But sometimes, I don’t think that I am worthy of that one big, great love. That’s why he, wherever he maybe, can’t find and love me. For even I don’t think I am that lovable. That is really what we are saying when we lose ourselves. That our own self is not worthy, for we give it up easily.
How can they love someone, when that someone doesn’t know who himself or herself anymore? The person we want them to love is lost. We have become a satellite and we made them our earth. Unfortunately, we often think losing ourselves to love is the right thing to do. We believe that we give it out of love. Bah! I wonder why some people don’t get tired of giving everything and not leaving anything for themselves, because I can imagine that it is tiring. And it will take its toll on you.
I thought this was going to be a short entry for I don't like lecturing myself. But after everything I’ve been hearing around me, I think it’ll be worth it to not only remind myself, but others as well.
Well, here's a question for all of us…
How can anybody love you the way you want to be love, when even you don't love yourself enough?
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