The "Perfect" Guy

Sean (Robin Williams): You're not perfect sport, and let me save you the suspense, this girl you've met she's not perfect either. But the question is whether or not you're perfect for each other.

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I have written dozens of personal essays regarding this topic. The One, Mr. Right, etc, all pointing towards the Perfect Guy. I said before that the perfect guy may not be 'perfect' according to everyone's standards. He's not perfect, neither am I. The question is 'are we perfect for each other?' I told my friends, that's what we have to look for. The guy who's seemingly perfect for us.

And then comes the problem. How can you tell? If he's perfect for you?

When I was young and naive, I thought I have a soulmate somewhere waiting for the right time to meet me. Maybe I still have one and maybe he's still taking his time, but I revised my definition of what a soulmate was. I thought a soul mate is someone who will complete me. Right my wrongs, and fill out the missing pieces. I thought a soul mate is someone like a doctor who will cure all my hurts and pain. I was wrong.

I see people, couples who thought they had found their soulmate, the perfect one. They said, 'he's perfect for me'. Oh yeah? If he's perfect for you why is he not with you now? Why is he cheating on you? Why didn't it work between the two of you? Why is he not into you as much as you are into him? You look at him and think, 'oh he's just perfect' and you're already thinking of how your hands will fit, how your children will look like and how good you two would look together in a wedding picture. He's everything you wanted in a guy. So he's perfect.

You expect him to be the knight in shining armor that you think he is. You think he'll change his bad ways because it's you, and you're soulmates and why shouldn't he change for you, but he won't. Somehow, the question of whether he's perfect for you has a blurry, muddy answer, but you still convinced yourself you're soulmates, and he's the one and he's perfect for me, just because you wanted to believe it so much.

I maybe old and cynical and I may not be right (since I haven't really found the said soulmate or the said perfect guy) but here's my take on it.

I don't think a soul mate completes you. Me, I think my soul mate will and should (if he is my soul mate and if there is such a thing) make me fly. He will argue with me, point out different views and makes me think. He will inspire me to do better things, good things, things I have always wanted to do, but didn't have the courage to do so. He will be different from me, but also the same. He and I can be apart, yet together. I do not constantly need to talk to him, to see him, just to check if we're still magical together. He's perfect because we both love God. And he knows that God is the one I need, and God is the one who will complete me, and he's there to strengthen my relationship with Him. He'll remind me to have faith when I'm losing hope, to not hurt others when life becomes cruel and he'll always support me, because he respects me, believes in me and trusts me. That is love. An image of love that comes from how much God loves us.

If you love a person to the point that you exclude everything and everyone else, I don't think he's for you. God doesn't want you to think only of yourself. If you love a person that it borders on need, (neediness) then I don't think he's your soul mate. God didn't make our soul mates as 'subsititutes' for Him. I don't think He wants you to worship your soul mate, need your soul mate more than you need Him. If you love your guy, that it doesn't matter if you're constantly hurt, battered or others are hurting because of your relationship, then he isn't perfect. God wants you to love yourself and to love others, not be selfish, and not come to the point where you lack self-respect. Sometimes we like someone so much that we forget ourselves, we want the person so much that we forget how to be mindful of others feelings. We forsake everything else.

The most unfortunate thing is that you do all these things because you think he's 'perfect' he's the perfect one for you, and you'll find out that it's only in your head. That he's perfect, just because you wanted him to be.

Of course it isn't easy. Finding the one. God may not even have someone for me. And I'm still struggling to be content should there be none. I should. After all I have His love. But I'm hoping He change His mind. Life is hard. Finding love is harder. Sometimes I'm tempted to just convince myself, lie to myself, make myself believe someone is perfect for me, just to tell myself I have someone. It works for others, why not me? But I can't. That's not the way I'm build.

The love I am really looking for is just little like His love. Someone who will inspire me, makes me fly and open my life to new and wonderful things without losing myself. And if there's nothing like that in store for me, then, I may settle (in desperation), I may not. But I won't lie to myself and tell myself that I found the perfect one, my soul mate, the one He meant for me, when I haven't. Lying to myself doubles the tragedy that I don't have the One.

I'm still hoping though, that He made someone for me, because He wouldn't want me to settle. and be lonely. Right, God?

God? You still there?

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Sean :Do you have a soul mate?
Will (Matt Damon): Define that.
Sean : Someone you can relate to, someone who opens things up for you

- Good Will Hunting