Conversation

"I don't know. I think I've been especially panicky lately because I can't exactly pinpoint which is the greater problem amongst all of my seemingly overwhelming ones. I have several and I don't care to repeat it all or else I'll be banging my head on the wall."

"Don't overreact. You're probably magnifying your problems or seeing problems when there is none."

"And don't patronize me! I know what I'm saying. I don't have a job and the days are passing me by, the time is ticking. You know teachers can't get a job in the middle of school year. If I don't get a job soon, I'll twiddle my thumbs till next year. Gah! Such a loser, that's what I feel I'm becoming!"

"I'm not patronizing you. I think you need to lose that negative perspective you have on things. So what if you don't get a teaching job? I'm sure you'll find something else productive to do in one year. And please, don't prattle on about being rejected for teaching positions. You're the one who said no to the first two job offers you got."

"Why is it so easy for other people??? Why is it so hard for me?"

"So, that's the root of all these whining. It's not that you're desperate to have a job. It's that you see other people having something you don't have and you want it for yourself, in a quickie, easy way."

"Yeah, so what if I want it to be easy for me too?"

"Remember when we've just graduated? And we're looking for a job? It took us six months to find a job, six fucking months! Everyone else is busy gloating that they are earning and having fun with their first jobs and there we are, walking in Makati, trying to find a job that will suit us. You, just like now, wanted to find a job that you like. You won't even entertain other jobs but Marketing. Now, you're looking for that teaching job that fits your criteria. And I'm telling you it'll come. If not now, then next year. But I don't think you'll be happy if you settle for anything less. You didn't then, don't start now."

Silence. Wheels turning in head.

Mumbling..."Gah! I hate it when you turn my words back at me!"

"You'll hate it even more if someone catches you talking to yourself in the mirror. Go ahead. Pray. It'll come."