Meeting new people can lead me to more analytical thoughts. Of course, during our gimik last night, I was telling Rhea about the pillars of attraction or (since she's skeptical about it having scientific basis) I'll take it directly from the book and call it, The Determinants of Liking (sounds more scientific, eh?).
Had a great time last night. As usual, when meeting new people, I'm basically shy and quiet. Quite contrary to popular beliefs, I don't deal well with strangers (read: tactless remarks and nonsense babbling), although maybe because I really like dealing with people I think it often shows.
NOTE: Some of this entry I'll take directly from the book - "Introduction to Psychology" by Atkinson, et al.
The questions that often concern us most whenever we meet new people are whether or not they like us and we like them. Beyond the initial encounter, our major goals will be how to foster liking, attraction that will somehow lead to deeper friendship, or even, taking it another step further, intimacy and love. And I was really surprised that psychologists spend most of their time analyzing how to promote liking and interpersonal relationships. Really now. I wonder if psychologists have many friends and had found the great love of their lives.
Well, anyway, on to the determinants of liking.
PHYSICAL ATTRACTIVENESS
I'm not shallow. It's really the first determinant of liking.
To most of us, it is terribly unfair that a person's physical appearance is a determinant of how others will like him or her. Unlike character, niceness, and other personal qualities, we have little control on the matter (unless you're filthy rich and can afford numerous plastic surgery that will completely alter your physical appearance). Many people surveyed said they don't think physical appearance counts. Yeah right. Tell it to the marines. Who are you kidding people? If Bayani Agbayani and Piolo Pascual asked you for a date, who would you first agree to?
We have research to back that up. Actual behavior of people shows that they do value physical attractiveness. So why is physical attractiveness so important? Call this terribly, unequivocally unfair, but research shows that beautiful people are not only thought of to have more beautiful personalities, but there is evidence that they are ACTUALLY (in reality) nice people. Gah!
They said it's because people treat them beautifully (read: we worship beautiful people) and they react accordingly. How unfair can you get? They are gorgeous and nice too? But it is true. I believe it is true. That's why everyone's calling me nice. And kind. It just goes to show.
I've seen evidence of people who are not good looking (translation: looks terrible) who when you meet them, are conceited, overconfident, and more often than not, choose their mates based on looks, in other words, they are shallow. Probably because of their major lack thereof of said good looks. Hah! Now tell me that isn't true.
I can talk more about this, but anyway, I'll leave it up to you to research, if you're interested.
HOPE NOTE: When considering marriage, physical attractiveness appears to decline in importance. Hurray! An itsy bitsy ray of hope for mortals...
PROXIMITY
Bwahahaha! It's time to stalk your crush/ prospect. An examination of marriage licenses, college dormitories shows that the best single predictor of whether two people are friends or in a relationship is how far apart they live.
Okay. There goes one determinant for me. I am, in no uncertain terms, not interested in people who lives next door to me. See for yourself. They certainly, completely negate determinant of liking number one. So I'll scratch this out.
Moreover, the Atkinson has this to say about the matter:
Those who believe in miracles (take note: miracle) when it comes to matters of the heart may believe that there is a perfect mate chosen for each of us waiting to be discovered somewhere in the world. But if this is true, the far greater miracle is the frequency with which FATE conspires to place this person within walking distance.
IN A NUTSHELL: It's already a miracle if you marry someone from the other side of the world. (Yey, Sis, you are one of the few!) Or maybe not, this book didn't consider the latest technology available...
Stay tuned for Part 2. It gets more interesting, as they say that familiarity and similarity promotes liking. Yay! A vote of confidence to stalkers.
I think maybe it's time to listen to all of these...Hmmm...
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