Bless me, Father, for I have sinned…
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Gluttony - an inordinate desire to consume more than that which one requires.
For the past three months, I have trained my stomach to crave little and be satisfied with less. But yesterday, when we went to eat in a Chinese restaurant, I transformed into a hungry young animal, wolfing down more than my fair share of the food that we ordered. Even when I can feel the food filling me up considerably, I didn't stop. I couldn't stop. Ah, gluttony. For others this can take another form of excessive behavior, maybe drinking, drugs or even an almost gluttonous appetite for shoes, clothes, bags, or shopping. Why, oh why is it always food for me?
Lust - an inordinate craving for the pleasures of the body.
I have a confession to make. I am a pervert. Okay, most of you are not surprised. But I am a secret pervert. Not so secret anymore, eh? Anyway, I say that I am one because I read smut literature in the Internet. I don't look for triple x pictures of men and women. I don't care to watch men and women get it on vcd or the likes. I like reading erotic literature. It must be the sexiest thing one could their hands on because it leaves so much to the imagination. But I'm way past erotic literature now. I read gay erotic literature these days. Not with simple characters, but since I'm obsessed with Harry Potter (or Daniel Radcliffe, sometimes I can't tell them apart anymore) I read a lot of Harry Potter slash literature, if you can still call those literature. Probably not. Okay, fiction then. I love reading about Harry and Draco and don't say yuck until you've read one, because if you're not male, (I hope Jerry is not reading this, or if he is, he probably skipped this part already, hehe) and you're around my age, plus you are not into self-denial, then you'll probably be turned on by the stories as well. And let's not talk about what's going through me, while I'm reading these stories, because that's when the sin of lust kicks in. Oh shucks, I'll stop before I further incriminate myself.
Pride - an excessive belief in one's own abilities, that interferes with the individual's recognition of the grace of God. It has been called the sin from which all others arise. Pride is also known as Vanity.
I thought pride is not being able to be the first to say sorry. But I guess it's deeper than that. I kept thinking that given my history of being the most insecure person you'll see this side of the world, I have have no sin of pride. But it says that pride is the sin from which all others arise. I don't know. If I have one sin of pride, it's that I love myself and I know what I want and what I like. (Now that's confusing really. Quite paradoxical. Insecure, yet sure of herself? Okay, erased. The most contradictory person alive...that should do.) I haven't had a serious relationship because I couldn't find a man to live up to my standards. Now that is pride. Vanity, at its most sinful. For the record, I'm not proud of it.
Greed - the desire for material wealth or gain, ignoring the realm of the spiritual. It is also called Avarice or Covetousness.
I daydream constantly. You might think that I daydream about my imaginary gorgeous, smart and rich boyfriend, feeding me pastries while I'm lounging in the living room watching TV. Yes, that's part of it. But mostly I dream of big houses, traveling the world in style and luxury and not having to work for money ever again. That's what I dream of. And sometimes, it will consume me and I'll feel inadequate and I'll feel dissatisfied with the blessings I have now. That’s the dark side of something as ordinary as daydreaming.
Sloth - the avoidance of physical or spiritual work.
One of the two dominant sins of my life, being lazy is the more obvious one. Others don't know how to sit still, rest and just spend the whole day in bed. I can. There's nothing more that I would love than having an entire day just for lazing around. I made it into an art. And actually, truth be told, I’m not apologizing for it. When given a day off, I won't go to the beach, or to the mall, I'd rather spend it on my bed, with a book and the remote control of my TV, just beside my pillow. Ah, combined with gluttony, this sin is the culprit for my excess body weight. As if knowing the sin would help me lose weight. Duh!
Anger - manifested in the individual who spurns love and opts instead for fury. It is also known as Wrath.
We live in anger daily and although I try my best to cheerful and positive, one would find it difficult amidst the reading of the daily newspaper. How can one feel love towards the politicians who are scrambling to make laws that does not feed the people but add more wealth to their already hideously large bank accounts? How can one feel love towards countless people who are apathetic about the world we live in? How can one feel love towards this oftentimes cruel and indifferent society around us? It is difficult I tell you. That's why if I can, I just watched the travel channel and instead of getting angry, just bathed myself with my more dominant, but considerably less obvious, sin…
Envy - the desire for others' traits, status, abilities, or situation.
Everyday, I pray and say a little thanks to God for all the blessings bestowed upon me. And everyday, I'm guilty of lying as well envious. I look at my life as some pathetic, sorry excuse compared to what others have. Constantly. I like watching how celebrities spend their millions, living the high life, envious of their fame and fortune. But that's okay. It's normal to be envious to celebrities. Who wouldn't be? But worse, I compare myself constantly to my friends, who, in my eyes, always seem to have the life, the personality or even the body weight that I've always wanted. I envy even some people who has a husband, or a steady boyfriend, or even a partner (for my gay friends) that they can share their life with. I don't begrudge them their happiness, and I truly am happy for them. But I can't help it. No matter how hard I try to overcome this, my insecurities come surfing up every time and I'll be envious of what other people has, that I don't.
Lately, I've been praying for God to help me let go of envy and be content for what I have in addition to saying thanks. It will be a hard, and long journey to finally be able to appreciate my life and blessings completely, but I believe I will get there eventually.
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