The Notebook

I found a notebook of mine, stashed away in a box labeled ‘college’ (because I usually categorize memories, people, events and things according to timelines.) It is tattered, battered, its pages falling apart held only by a few threads, I somehow knew what’s inside. I immediately opened it to read the first page.



‘The Lists Notebook’ it said.



How imaginative! I thought I was a genius at naming pets, giving nicknames and weaving stories to tell, but no, I couldn’t even name my notebook creatively. But the notebook holds secrets untold to anybody (not even my best friends had seen this notebook, although they knew of its existence), memories of a time when I’m traipsing through a learning period of my life. Most of all, it contains vast amount of information about myself, a result of days of shallow introspection and endless daydreaming during that time.



Some of the lists are downright funny, some are long, and some are worthy of making life notes of. Others are my early lists of ‘heart sighs’, while some others are ‘heart aches’ (yes, I have a list of heart aches. I don’t know what it is for, but I list them down anyway.) Yes, I’m a crazy, unorganized woman who loves making lists, not for organization purposes but to make some semblance of form and meaning out of all my nonsensical musings.



Someday I’ll manage to write all my lists down here, especially during those days when I’m having a feeling in my head that there’s a list coming to town. Just because I have nothing else to write here, below are some of the lists in my notebook.



All Time Favorite Guys

Life List

Things I like about Nestle

Things that make me HAPPY

Places I want to visit

People I want to meet

Wishes

Why it should NOT be Nestle? (What’s with this guy?)

Things in life better than Chocolate (shortest list in the book)

Favorite Names and Word Sounds

Happy-bubble Bursters

Things I will bring in a Get-away Car

...and so on and so forth



In retrospect, it’s amazing to think how things can be so serious at one point in my life, yet I’ll find it exceedingly funny at another. I can feel heartaches, disappointments, and sad moments on some entries in the list and sometimes, the excitement is radiating, seeming to jump off the page by sheer joy. It is equally baffling how I feel I’ve known the truth then about myself, and then finding out that some things had changed, that some things are no longer true. But I’m comforted by the fact that some truths I’ve written about myself then stays the same ten years after.



Even if some things are different now, that I’ve matured and I’m no longer stalking some guy named Nestle (yeah, right), finding this notebook has brought back memories, and those can never be erased.



Wherever Nestle is right now, he should never, ever, in a million years find out about this notebook. I hope I can find a nice burial place.