An Open Letter

Dear Guy-Who-Finally-Found-Me,

 

Before I delved into my usual histrionic tendencies to whine and produce enough self-pity to conquer Iraq, I would like to first welcome you into my neurotic life and hope you're doing okay. Don't worry, knowing you, you who have finally found me, you're tough and you're going to be just fine. I wrote this letter to tell you things about myself you, of all people, should know. I have a dark side, a light side, and a whole lot of other sides to my character I can never explain fully in one letter but I'm going to try.

 

I'm writing this now when I'm feeling sorry for myself. I am now the only woman that has never been really desired by any man to be their girl. (And I said I wouldn't be quite so dramatic about it. Oh well, so sue me.) I feel of course that I do not deserve that, because I often feel like I'm pretty and quite a catch, really, but guys here are so stupid and dumb, not like you of course, that they don't know a good woman when they meet one. Or perhaps it's my unconventional personality. You see, I'm not as confident as you might think. I'm not the superwoman, strong-willed, uptown girl I would like to pretend I am. I'm as insecure as the next person, probably even more so. And this insecurity comes out at the smallest instigation. 

 

Okay time to get serious.

 

All my life, I was wondering why can't I be the person that can go through life being happy with just simple happiness? Food, air, clothing, family and friends, I have all of that. Even as a young girl, I was obssessed with finding you, finding the guy I'm supposed to be with. I keep dreaming about you. Sometimes you are a knight in shining armor, then, Luke Skywalker rescuing me, or some gallant Laird from Scotland, or even a young warrior brave. Other times, you are just a regular guy who I met a party or my best friend and a soul mate. And then, there were those crazy dreams of you being a rock star, or a movie star and you'll come sweep me off my feet. Well, almost every time you sweep me off my feet. This obssession has led me into this rut I'm now stuck into. Nowhere near you. Nowhere near the vicinity of being near you. 

 

You wouldn't want to meet me like this. I'm not the woman you've probably met. I'm so fucking feeling sorry for myself right now, I don't know how I'm going to get it right before meeting you. But I have to. All of these is showing disrespect for Him. Disrespect for not surrendering my life to Him and trusting Him to know what's best for me. I feel like I'm so ready to meet you now. But you're not here, so maybe I'm not. I'm sometimes afraid that you're not going to come into my life at all, that He has other plans for me.

 

Enough. Enough already.

 

He knows when the time is right and what the answer would be. I should just trust Him to let me know if and when you are there already.