Mean Girls

I thought I’d let it pass, just not talk about it and not write about it (especially here) because it's the past and what can I do about it? She may also say that it's nothing really, but it's not nothing to me, and since this is about my life, I'll write about it. It also helps me get rid of my baggage when I write about it and exhaust all my issues.



I know some people don’t see me as anything but serious. She will say that she never knows when I'm serious or not. And that is terribly unfair. They see a clown that makes fun of everyone and you can make fun of me too. But I think that when people get to know me, they’ll see I’m as insecure as everyone else, perhaps more so. Talking about my insecurities helps me a lot in that it lessens the burden of carrying it alone. Because although I try hard to laugh at life's downside, everybody who has read what I wrote here can see that my thoughts and my life are all serious to me.



I was hurt yesterday because I told a friend of mine all my insecurities and I thought she understood that those are serious to me, (obviously since I wasn't the type to be serious about anything, so if I turned serious, then it must really be serious), and it hurts because she told me that she tells other people about those insecurities as if they're talking about the weather. Thank you very much for treating my issues so lightly, it passes the time of lunch and makes for small conversation. Thank you for recognizing the fact that if I wanted my insecurities and issues broadcast I will email everybody and tell them myself. I hope my biggest fears in life were entertaining to them, because that's what I felt like. It's much worse than making fun of me, physically. I can handle that, I'm used to that. Besides, everybody can see what everybody looks like. But everybody doesn't know my issues, and I thought I tell it to some really good friends who won't entertain other people brandishing how pathetic my life is, while everybody in the audience makes sad faces. I'll do it in Oprah if that's what I want. And if ever someone's going to make fun of my issues, then let it be me. It hurts when your friend does it to you. And that’s not high expectations from a friend. Those are just basic assumptions between friends: you just don’t make fun of your friend’s fears in life.



I began to think of the times I talk about other people, and if I do talk about them to other people, where it passes the time, and entertains my audience. But going that road will be just justifying myself. And saying I’m not mean, because more often than not, I really am being mean. The thing is, I don't pretend to be nice. My closest friends are often surprised that they can count on me when they have problems and that I keep my mouth shut when I needed to.Adding salt to the wound, she probably doesn't know that she hurt me. She'll be confused and wondering what she did that hurt me so. Well, probably because it's my fault. I act like a clown, as if nothing can touch me. Bully for me, that I have feelings like everyone else. She doesn't know. She's clueless. She thought I was there to entertain, and all my private fears are for everybody's entertainment too. Like some little bits of trivia, no one really cares to know anything about, until someone brought it up. Well, do you know that Elaine is like this? Yeah, she really is. Sad really. Hmm, and what was that about you know who? And they all move on to the next topic.



And they said I was mean.

Borrowed Heaven

my dreams wild

enough

for me to embrace

you, with your eyes

loving mine.

my dreams are real

for i see you,

i kiss you,

you touch me,

that's my reality.

my dreams

are rainbows

flowers, moonlight,

rain and sunshine

shared with you.

ah, what more

could i ask?

in my dreams

i borrowed

a little piece

of heaven.

that's more than

enough

for me.

Summer Sunshine

It 's funny, but I really like this song because of the melody but when I researched the lyrics, it becomes even more beautiful. I should remind myself to show this to my friend Rhea. Anyway, I just want to post the lyrics of my favorite songs in here. One, just to showcase good and simple songwriting and two, to remind myself of favorites of things past. (I love The Corrs, their songs are appealing to me in terms of melody and lyrics, and the title of their albums has a lot of meanings.)



Summer Sunshine by The Corrs (from album : Borrowed Heaven)

I feel it's changing, I stay the same

I'm... a solo cello outside a chor-us

I've got a secret,

It's time for me to tell that you've been keeping me warm

Just sweet beginnings and bitter en-dings

In coffee city, we borrowed hea-ven

Don't give it back, I've never felt so wanted

Are you taking me home?

You tell me you have to go...

In the heat of summer sunshine

I miss you like nobody else

In the heat of summer sunshine

I kiss you, and nobody needs to know

Now that you've left me, there's no retur-ning

I keep comparing, you're always win-ning

I try to be strong but you'll never be more wanted

Will you make me at home?

Don't tell me you have to go...

In the heat of summer sunshine

I miss you like nobody else

In the heat of summer sunshine

I kiss you, and nobody needs to know

To sweet beginnings and bitter en-dings

In coffee city, we borrowed hea-ven

Don't give it back

Winter is coming and I need to stay warm

The heat..... In the heat of summer sunshine

I miss you like nobody else

In the heat of summer sunshine

I kiss you, and nobody knows

[chorus]In the heat of summer sunshine

I miss you like nobody else

In the heat of summer sunshine

I kiss you, and nobody needs to know

Etcetera

It doesn't take a genius that I was feeling down when I wrote my last entry. Needless to say, I was feeling better after a week of wallowing in self-pity and drowning myself in pitiful ways of self-misery. Okay, okay, before I start going all wobbly with insecurities again, I'll just go back to where I was before all of these came about. I'm going back to being my old, daydreaming, weird, drama queen self. No use pitying myself after all. I wouldn't solve my problems and woes by chastising myself endlessly.



Anyway, yesterday my parents, my sister and I watched "I, Robot" and I thought it was fine. Really. What a fine body Will Smith has. He wore this tight shorts briefs (I don't know what to call it) and it doesn't even bunch up his thighs when he moves. My shorts always end up bunched up my thighs when I moved because my big thighs push it upward and my protruding tummy pushes it downward. So my shorts always disappeared somewhere there in the middle. I haven't reviewed a single chapter this week. Probably because I'm so busy feeling sorry for myself. Another reason would be the most obvious one; I'm too lazy to review. I do go to my weekly novena mass though. May God help me during the exams! Well, suffice it to say, I was daydreaming the whole week. Some people daydream about getting rich, exalting in glory and being famous. Me? I want it all. And throw in a bit of my weird personality and you'll get an overactive imagination. I can live in my dreams for hours that I somehow sometimes forget reality. For instance, I can "shop" (via the internet) for an hour and be so excited about my imaginary purchases afterwards. Raise your hands who are weirder than me and you'll get a cookie.



I love to travel too. I can surf the net for hours and/or read a book and travel to unknown and exotic cities around the globe, and I'll fully be exhausted right after. I can sleep with a smile on my face, feeling glad that I am still alive after such an exhilarating adventures in the African wilds or endless shopping in Milan, New York or Paris. Such is the life of a woman blessed (or cursed, however you may think about it) with imagination. All of these can be done with a simple connection to the worldwide web. For me, the greatest thing about this generation is being gifted with the power of the Internet. Ha! And here I thought it was seeing Eminem rap onstage without his shirt.



What's more, the Internet makes things many things possible. Aside from letting me write all my woes, insecurities and utter nonsensical thoughts in here, it also connects me to my friends via 'Friendster' and what else? Through email, of course. It's funny because I'm with my mom and my sister all day and we still forward emails to each other. Tee hee, I like the email I received from my mom today. About smile being universal. It's filled with cartoon pictures of women and sayings. Here are some of my favorites...



...Reason to smile: every 7 minutes, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring. 

...Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.

...Sometimes I think I understand everything...then I regain consciousness.



The line that really makes me laugh...(maybe because I can fully relate to it)



...My mind not only wanders, it sometimes leaves completely.



Okay, let me get back to my shopping. Yahoo just displayed over 1000 matches for my search for Jimmy Choo shoes. I still have a lot of shopping to do. :-D 

You Get Me

"You Get Me"

Michelle Branch

 

So I'm a little left of center

I'm a little out of tune

Some say I'm paranormal

So I just bend their spoon

Who wants to be ordinary

In a crazy, mixed-up world

I don't care what they're sayin'

As long as I'm your girl

Hey, you are on my side

And they, they just roll their eyes

 

You get me

When nobody understands

You come and take the chance, baby

You get me

You look inside my wild mind

Never knowing what you'll find

And still you want me all the time

Yeah, you doYeah, you get me

 

So what if I see the sunshine

In the pouring rain

Some people think I'm crazy

But you say it's okay

You've seen my secret garden

Where all of my flowers grow

In my imagination

Anything goes

I, I am all you want

They, they just read me wrong

 

You get me

When nobody understands

You come and hold my hand, baby

You get me

You look inside my wild mind

Never knowing what you'll find

Still you want me all the time

Yeah, you do'

Cause you get me

Hey, you are on my side

They, they just roll their eyes

Yeah, yeah, yeah'

Cause you get me

When nobody understands

You come and take the chance, baby

You get me

When none of the pieces fit

You make sense of it

You get me

You look inside my wild mind

Never knowing what you'll find

And still I want you all the time

Yeah, I do

'Cause you get me

Yeah, oh, yeah, oh

An Open Letter

Dear Guy-Who-Finally-Found-Me,

 

Before I delved into my usual histrionic tendencies to whine and produce enough self-pity to conquer Iraq, I would like to first welcome you into my neurotic life and hope you're doing okay. Don't worry, knowing you, you who have finally found me, you're tough and you're going to be just fine. I wrote this letter to tell you things about myself you, of all people, should know. I have a dark side, a light side, and a whole lot of other sides to my character I can never explain fully in one letter but I'm going to try.

 

I'm writing this now when I'm feeling sorry for myself. I am now the only woman that has never been really desired by any man to be their girl. (And I said I wouldn't be quite so dramatic about it. Oh well, so sue me.) I feel of course that I do not deserve that, because I often feel like I'm pretty and quite a catch, really, but guys here are so stupid and dumb, not like you of course, that they don't know a good woman when they meet one. Or perhaps it's my unconventional personality. You see, I'm not as confident as you might think. I'm not the superwoman, strong-willed, uptown girl I would like to pretend I am. I'm as insecure as the next person, probably even more so. And this insecurity comes out at the smallest instigation. 

 

Okay time to get serious.

 

All my life, I was wondering why can't I be the person that can go through life being happy with just simple happiness? Food, air, clothing, family and friends, I have all of that. Even as a young girl, I was obssessed with finding you, finding the guy I'm supposed to be with. I keep dreaming about you. Sometimes you are a knight in shining armor, then, Luke Skywalker rescuing me, or some gallant Laird from Scotland, or even a young warrior brave. Other times, you are just a regular guy who I met a party or my best friend and a soul mate. And then, there were those crazy dreams of you being a rock star, or a movie star and you'll come sweep me off my feet. Well, almost every time you sweep me off my feet. This obssession has led me into this rut I'm now stuck into. Nowhere near you. Nowhere near the vicinity of being near you. 

 

You wouldn't want to meet me like this. I'm not the woman you've probably met. I'm so fucking feeling sorry for myself right now, I don't know how I'm going to get it right before meeting you. But I have to. All of these is showing disrespect for Him. Disrespect for not surrendering my life to Him and trusting Him to know what's best for me. I feel like I'm so ready to meet you now. But you're not here, so maybe I'm not. I'm sometimes afraid that you're not going to come into my life at all, that He has other plans for me.

 

Enough. Enough already.

 

He knows when the time is right and what the answer would be. I should just trust Him to let me know if and when you are there already.

Wedding Bell Blues

Last week, one of my dearest girl friend from high school said she and her boyfriend of one and half years are planning to get married next year. If she'll have her own way it'll be set before her 29th birthday.



Just now, I spoke with Oca, one of my guy buddies, and said that the actual date of his wedding will be on December 18, this year. Of course, there'll be others. Another former officemate is also planning to get married before December, I don't know when, I'm still waiting for the invite. And then another girl friend from college is pushing for her wedding this year.



What's with all these weddings? And why am I so affected? I'm so happy for my friends, especially Oca, because they've been together for a long time, that relationship has been tried and tested by time, and Skee for she and her boyfriend really sounds like they are soul mates. Hmmm, maybe it's the fact that I'm nowhere even near the vicinity of getting married. Correction, I'm so far, miles away from the vicinity of getting married. I don't have anyone and I sure as hell am not planning to get married soon, even if I have someone.



I have dreams to fulfill, falling stars to catch and trains to board. Needless to say, it'll be nice if I can share all my experiences in this journey towards my dream with someone special.



It'll be really nice.

My Prince and Me

Short, straight and messy dark brown hair, spiking on all directions, he looks like he just ran his fingers through it every morning after a shower. Tall, with broad shoulders, just the perfect place to lean my head on or for me to nuzzle that delicious junction where his shoulder and neck meets. Smile that curls his luscious lips at the end and produces the most amazing dimples in his cheeks. Cheekbones and eyelashes most women will kill to have. Eyes, that looks at you as if you're the only woman on the planet. He has a strong chin and jaw, reminiscent of Pierce Brosnan, and has just enough body hair, not too much, but not bald either, on all the right places. He is bordering on thin when you first see him, but really muscular and lean, especially when you see his fit abdominal six-pack. His butt is not especially big, not fit, but not non-existent either. And last but not the least, he walks as if he really believes he can give you the moon and the stars, full of confidence, yet not overbearing.



He doesn't feel uncomfortable quoting Shakespeare, Joyce, and Whitman, nor roll his eyes heavenward when he hears you say lines of Cummings, Dickinson or gush at Jane Austen's romantic classic novels. You are both fond of music, but although he likes jazz and you like pop, you both love to listen to both. He can eat like a hungry horse, eating anything and everything, even the squidballs and isaw that you like to eat in U.P. Diliman campus. He's good in math, and science and finance and accounting, all those subjects you knew you could never ever help your children to learn. When you're at formal dinners and formal parties, he is all proper and the perfect gentleman, laughing your uncertainties away with great ease and he's not the least bit ashamed of you either, if you mistakenly use the dessert spoon for your soup.



What’s more, he’s not going to announce that he likes children and pets, but you can actually see it by how patient he is when your nephew wants him to point out all the elephants in the movie Dumbo, and how he is conspicuously aware of your old pet dog. He’s not into saving the earth and the animals movement like you are but remembers not to buy narra furniture and throw things anywhere like he used to. He’s charming and sweet, so much so that he and your parents are closer than you will ever be with your mom and dad. What your parents don’t know is that he is just like any other guy who gets mad when someone looks at him the wrong way, and he can drink and he spends so much money on car accessories, sports and gadgets that he likes to display. He can also get into good-natured pissing contests with his male friends, but he’s not a war freak that challenges everyone to a fistfight at the slightest miscalculated look from another male.



When the two of you are together, you like it that he holds your hand, even when you’re just watching CSI Las Vegas. He watches ‘Will and Grace’ and laughs out loud when Will and Jack make fun of straight guys. He doesn’t want to watch girly movies, but will go anyway just because he knows you will pout and huff and puff till he doesn’t have any choice but to pull all his hair out or just indulge you. He sleeps through most of the Oprah Winfrey show but listens to you ramble on and on about the things you heard from Oprah. He teases you a lot, goes into farting and burping contests with you and always touches your ‘love handles’ as if they really are love handles. You talk like old friends and can sometimes have comfortable silence when you’re both reading books, him with his latest science fiction and you with the latest bestseller.



He laughs loudly, listens seriously, smiles and winks warmly, frowns fondly, shouts and hollers that makes you feel you’re really a quiet person in comparison, burps and farts like your best guy friends, dances maniacally in public like some John Travolta wannabe, give plenty of hugs and kisses, and loves you with all his heart.



He’s not perfect. He is a slob, always late when you hate people who are late. Proper, when you are not, because you think proper people are sissies. He thinks he’s God’s gift to women and you think to yourself, well, he probably is, but he shouldn’t brag about it. He bores you with business stories, financial situations, economic crises, and everything else that you truly don't understand but you nod and pretends to listen anyway, because he listens to your Oprah ramblings, you might as well listen to his musings as well. He is a non-practicing Catholic, who always feels sleepy during mass. And although he likes your fat butt, he is constantly asking you to go hiking, mountain climbing and spelunking with him.



Ladies and gentlemen, meet my Prince Charming.

Starbucks Conversation

I gave myself forty five minutes to get to Makati on a Friday evening. Yes, I know, how stupid I could get. I forgot how clogged up the streets are going to Glorietta on a Friday night.



Everyone wanting to just get that slice of leisure or entertainment time and spend it lounging around at the mall. I can still remember how I usually spend most of my evenings at Glorietta after a hard day pretending I'm working hard. We will be driving to the mall, usually we'll be there in thirty minutes. We'll be sipping coffee or eating at the latest restaurant my officemates has taken a fancy to. Then, a movie usually follows this enchanted evening. Afterwards, another hundred down the drain for a frapuccino at Starbucks. Ah, no wonder young professionals can't save much with a lifestyle such as this (by the way, I was one of those.)



Anyway that's not what this is all about. Rhea, Liza and I spent the time waiting for the movie to begin in Starbucks. And of course, our conversation drifted to their 'loved ones' and what I observed them to be. As my usual observations go, I described their boyfriends in detail and how I observed they interact. It's funny because you really don't see how you act and how your boyfriend acts and how others see the two of you together.



When I went home that night, I kept thinking the worst guys to be paired with me, and how I will react and how we will appear to other people when we're together. And I was hoping my friends will bang my head on something hard when I became blind to his faults.



But knowing me, I'll be the first to notice those faults and laugh at how we are so incompatible and so different and complete opposites. Oh well, maybe I love him, not in spite of or despite of those faults, but maybe because I fell in love with him because he is everything I want, including those flaws.

The Notebook

I found a notebook of mine, stashed away in a box labeled ‘college’ (because I usually categorize memories, people, events and things according to timelines.) It is tattered, battered, its pages falling apart held only by a few threads, I somehow knew what’s inside. I immediately opened it to read the first page.



‘The Lists Notebook’ it said.



How imaginative! I thought I was a genius at naming pets, giving nicknames and weaving stories to tell, but no, I couldn’t even name my notebook creatively. But the notebook holds secrets untold to anybody (not even my best friends had seen this notebook, although they knew of its existence), memories of a time when I’m traipsing through a learning period of my life. Most of all, it contains vast amount of information about myself, a result of days of shallow introspection and endless daydreaming during that time.



Some of the lists are downright funny, some are long, and some are worthy of making life notes of. Others are my early lists of ‘heart sighs’, while some others are ‘heart aches’ (yes, I have a list of heart aches. I don’t know what it is for, but I list them down anyway.) Yes, I’m a crazy, unorganized woman who loves making lists, not for organization purposes but to make some semblance of form and meaning out of all my nonsensical musings.



Someday I’ll manage to write all my lists down here, especially during those days when I’m having a feeling in my head that there’s a list coming to town. Just because I have nothing else to write here, below are some of the lists in my notebook.



All Time Favorite Guys

Life List

Things I like about Nestle

Things that make me HAPPY

Places I want to visit

People I want to meet

Wishes

Why it should NOT be Nestle? (What’s with this guy?)

Things in life better than Chocolate (shortest list in the book)

Favorite Names and Word Sounds

Happy-bubble Bursters

Things I will bring in a Get-away Car

...and so on and so forth



In retrospect, it’s amazing to think how things can be so serious at one point in my life, yet I’ll find it exceedingly funny at another. I can feel heartaches, disappointments, and sad moments on some entries in the list and sometimes, the excitement is radiating, seeming to jump off the page by sheer joy. It is equally baffling how I feel I’ve known the truth then about myself, and then finding out that some things had changed, that some things are no longer true. But I’m comforted by the fact that some truths I’ve written about myself then stays the same ten years after.



Even if some things are different now, that I’ve matured and I’m no longer stalking some guy named Nestle (yeah, right), finding this notebook has brought back memories, and those can never be erased.



Wherever Nestle is right now, he should never, ever, in a million years find out about this notebook. I hope I can find a nice burial place.

A Couple...

I picked up my mom and dad from the gym this morning, and it seems that I'm only seeing them again as a couple for the first time. You don't really think of your parents as a couple like your best girl friend and her boyfriend of 5 years. Neither do you imagine your parents going through the motions of being a couple, like going to the gym together for instance, or eating romantic dinners and spending a whole day just being comfortable with each other like other couples. We think that parents are just parents.



We forget that they are people too and that being our parents are not the only roles they play in life.

My Real Age

I was watching Oprah and the guest doctor is computing for the REAL ages of two women. It turns out that because they have an unhealthy lifestyle, their real ages are 5 years older than they actually are. I am in quite a healthy mode at this time (I fervently hope I can continue to be) so I took note of what I should do to prevent aging too fast.



Some of the things said I already know (like NO smoking, no excessive alcohol consumption, lower cholesterol levels, more green leafy vegetables and EXERCISE) and I vowed to improve on the things I needed to improve to live longer and better.



When I checked Oprah's website they have a questionnaire in there to estimate your real age just by answering some questions (there are a lot!) so I checked. I'm one year younger according to the test. Boy was I surprised!



I don't exercise. I stopped smoking, but my last cigarette was only less than 3 months ago shared with my Pare when he came to visit Manila. I changed my eating habits only recently but my blood test had shown positive results, for which I am too relieved to be worrying about ‘real ages’. And I’m way too overweight. So the odds are against me. I was wondering why I am still ‘younger’ than my actual age is, when the last part of the questionnaire caught my eyes. I thought it was nothing but I think it made sense now. The questions are about stress, attitude, mood, and how much you love what you’re doing.



My future is still uncertain but I am doing what I would love to be doing. I guess that bit gave me big points. I’m feeling younger today because of that. I’m giddy and excited to improve my life to take more years off my ‘real age’.



I think Patrick Garcia or better yet, (let’s reach for the moon while we’re at it---) Daniel Radcliffe and I can finally be together. If only he’ll realize how YOUNG and gorgeous am I actually. ;-)

Heart Sighs

I just received an email from a friend about a child looking for puppy size. Turns out she's looking for puppy's sighs, because her mother said that love depends on the sighs of the heart. So she knows that a puppy loves her when it sighed when she held it in her arms. But what I struck me most about the story was the 'footnote' at the end of the story and it goes something like this...



Close your eyes for a moment and think about the love that makes you sigh. I not only find it in the arms of my loved ones, but in the caress of a sunset, the kiss of the moonlight and the gentle brush of cool air on a hot day. They are the sighs of God. Take the time to stop and listen; you will be surprised at what you hear.



"Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath. - Anon



It got me thinking what are the moments that take my breath away? More often than not, we have days that doesn't have any kind of moments at all, but just a series of blah and routinely events leading to the culminating activity of lying on bed, closing our eyes and finally drifting off to sleep. We go through the motions of living, not realizing that life is filled with 'heart sighs' (I'll call them 'heart sighs' from now on.) A stranger smiling at you when you're feeling that the world is so unfriendly. Seeing the dog grinning at you with that sweet smile of his after a harrowing day at the office. Eating melting excess chocolate off of your fingers, after dieting and eating vegetables for weeks. Licking a big scoop of pistachio ice cream on special waffle cone in a hot summer day. Having a hand to hold when you're feeling especially afraid. Getting a hug when you need reassurance that you're not alone. Receiving a handmade gift given at your birthday. Listening to a song that gives back memories of years gone by. A book that takes you places and lets you meet new interesting people. Comfortable silence shared between friends or between old lovers. The list is endless. And all are worth taking notes of. After all, these are the moments that make life worth living.



That's why I love life's surprises. Life sometimes surprises you in the oddest moments and gives you moments that will make you smile, and if you're really lucky, will make your heart sigh.



Take the time to listen. You'll be surprised that your heart sighs a lot.

Italy

I have a life list, and I might even reveal and write it all here someday but when I read my friend's blog yesterday about traveling, I told him I was able to travel just by reading stuff about some place.



Well, here's one country I would like to visit someday. But I already feel like I know what it would look and sounds like by sheer imagination (sometimes I can even smell the place, if the description is really good).



So I hope you packed your bags so we can go visit Italy.



-------



Rome, Italy

It's hard to say what you'll find most breathtaking about the eternal city - the arrogant opulence of the Vatican, the timelessness of the Forum, the top speed of a Fiat Bambino, the millions of cats in the Colosseum, trying to cross a major intersection, or the bill for your latte.



Sightseeing in Rome is exhilarating and exhausting. That it wasn't built in a day is quickly evident when you start exploring the temples, residences, basilicas, churches, palazzi, piazzi, parks, museums and fountains. All this and the Vatican too!



Amalfi Coast, Italy

Stretching for 50km (31mi) along a promontory from Sorrento to Salerno is some of Europe's most beautiful coastline. The road hugs the zigzagging bends and curves of the cliffy coast, overlooking intensely blue waters and passing picture-postcard villages that cling to the cliff walls like matchbox houses.



Assisi, Italy

Walled Assisi is miraculous: it has somehow managed to retain some tranquil refuges amid the tourist hubbub. Perched halfway up Mt Subasio, looking over Perugia, the visual impact of its shimmering white marble buildings is magnificent. The town's many churches include Santa Maria Maggiore, San Pietro and St Clare.



The city is dominated by the massive 14th-century Rocca Maggiore - a hill fortress that offers fabulous views over the valley and back to Perugia. St Francis was born here in 1182, and work began on his basilica two years after his death in 1228. It's a magnificent tribute to the patron saint of animals, with frescoes by Giotto, Cimabue and Martini. Relics from Imperial days include the excavated forum and the pillared facade of the Temple of Minerva; Roman foundations are a common feature of many buildings.



Florence, Italy

The cultural and historical impact of Florence (or Firenze if you're looking to impress) is overwhelming. Close up, however, the city is one of Italy's most atmospheric and pleasant, retaining a strong resemblance to the small late-medieval centre that contributed so much to the cultural and political development of Europe.



For eye-watering sights, you won't need to venture far from Florence's medieval core, a Renaissance wonderland containing the graceful span of Ponte Vecchio, the Duomo's skyscraping dome, the gilded splendour of Basilica di San Lorenzo and the well-hung Uffizi gallery.



Milan, Italy

The hard-working Milanese run their busy metropolis with efficiency and aplomb. Milano is the country's economic engine room, home to Italy's stock market and business centres. This stylish city is also the world's design capital and rivals Paris as a leading fashion centre.



Milan is a sprawling metropolis, but most of its attractions are concentrated in its centre. Its hub is the Duomo, a fantastic Gothic confection topped by the Maddonina (our little Madonna), Milan's protectress. Not far away is La Scala, one of the world's great opera houses.



Venice, Italy

Venezia, La Serenissima, Queen of the Adriatic, captivating city of canals and palaces...or tawdry sewer alive with crowds and charlatans? Venice's nature is dual: water and land, long history and doubtful future, airy delicacy and dim melancholy. When this precious place sinks, the world will be the poorer.



Take time to meander - losing yourself in the maze of canals and lanes is one of Venice's principal pleasures. The cluster of sights around the Piazza San Marco are heart-clutchingly beautiful, but the more secret pleasures of the hushed backstreets are just as entrancing.



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That's it for our travel today. I'm tired yet excited to see more, hear more and I don't think I could get enough of this country. There seems to be a million things to see, a million places to visit, and an experience that cannot be forgotten easily.



Hmmm, I wonder what's in store for me in France?

Capeside Crap

Have you ever hated watching a TV show and yet you are mystifyingly, unmistakably glued to watching it? Today, Studio 23 showed again the last episode of creepy bighead Dawson and I guess I was just a bit teeny weenie affected by it all. Okay, a lot. As much as I hate to admit it, I liked Jen’s final words to her daughter and I like that Pacey and Joey ended up together (Yey!!! Although what I would really want is for Pacey to get another girl other than Joey girl-with-the-most-irritating-smile Potter.) I will plead guilty of insanity for future reference, if this confession comes out. I justify it to myself by saying that I like watching Joshua Jackson. He made the show looks good each and every time he smiles (never mind that he’s quite pudgy…now I can say I like men of all shapes and sizes!).



First off, why do I hate this show? It’s got this love triangle thing, where the girl can’t decide who she really wants (I mean come on, between the charming, funny, smart and good looking Pacey and the creepy crawly Dawson, who, as far as I can tell, doesn’t really have any redeeming qualities to speak of, why is it so hard to choose?). That is why I hate this show. What's with this girl who can't decide?I’m like a guy thinking this way.



Now why did I watch the reruns? You see, it’s got this love triangle thing going on, where the girl gets to have two guys who will always be in love with and pining for her. That is why I am unexplainably glued to this Capeside madness. And just like that, I’ve become a girl again, watching something that is crap and defending her actions to all and sundry.



For my part, this is what I learned. (Hah! Don’t ever tell I just did a life note from Dawson’s Creep!) We are constantly faced with two choices, two roads, two paths and two possible decisions that confuses us to no end, and we, just like her, often ended up delaying making the decision as long as we can, and run away from it like hell. Sighing, when the guy went away and we don’t have to decide to let go, because he already went away. Like I said, afraid to make decisions. I observed that we girls want to delay the bad breaking-it-off-with-someone decisions, more than the good-I'm-choosing-you choices, as long as possible because we are just plainly afraid. In this example, of probably being alone, of being someone undesirable. We want to be able to say that someone wants us, even if that someone resembles creepy crawly Dawson.



But in the end, as cliché as it may sounds, the answer is right with us all along. We know the right decision but we’re delaying making it. The choice is easy to make, the decision is always there, and we just have to find the courage to make it. Courage, my friends, is not something a lot of women my age have. I will not claim to have courage, as I haven’t walked down that crossroads yet, but well, it takes a real character to end something that feels so damn good, just because it is actually really bad. When I meet someone who is able to do that, I’ll be the first to tell you.



But I do wish for a man like Pacey in my life. For the sappy record, Pacey said that loving Joey was enough for him because at least it made him feel alive - but he wanted her to move on and be happy, so he would let her off the hook and set her free. (Awwww, let’s add sweet to that list, shall we?) I promised, cross my heart, if I had to choose between someone else and someone like Pacey (looks and all), I wouldn’t take long to come up with an answer.



Unless of course, if that other guy turns out to be Eminem. ;)

Loving Me

This is a song, sung and written by India Arie. Something for a woman to take note of, so we will be reminded all the time..



VIDEO



Sometimes I shave my legs and sometimes I don't

Sometimes I comb my hair and sometimes I won't

Depend on how the wind blows, I might even paint my toes

It really just depends on whatever feels good in my soul



I'm not the average girl from your video

And I ain't built like a supermodel

But I've learned to love myself unconditionally

Because I am a queen

I'm not the average girl from your video

My worth is not determined by the price of my clothes

No matter what I'm wearing I will always be

India Arie



When I look in the mirror the only one there is me

Every freckle on my face is where it's supposed to be

And I know my creator didn't make no mistakes on me

My feet, my thighs, my lips, my eyes, I'm loving what I see



Am I less of a lady If I don't wear panty hose

My mama said a lady ain't what she wears but what she knows

But I've drawn the conclusion, it's all an illusion

Confusion's the name of the game

A misconception, a vast deception

Something's got to change



Don't be offended this is all my opinion

Ain't nothing that I'm saying law

This is a true confession of a life learned lesson

I have being sitting here and sharing with y'all

So get in where you fit and go on and shine

Clear your mind, now's the time

Put your salt on the shelf

Go on and love yourself

'Cos everything is gonna be alright



Keep your fancy drinks and your expensive minks

I don't need that to have a good time

Keep your expensive cars and your caviar

All I need is my guitar

Keep your Cristal and your pistol

I'd rather have a pretty piece of crystal

Don't need your silicone I prefer my own

What God gave me is just fine