Near October

October is just around the bend. Literally. And my mind is blanking off ten minutes every hour. I mean, I cannot seem to be there, just be, and I feel like floating for a good long while. Mostly it's because I've been obsessing about Brian Kinney, but come to think of it, I'm also consciously not thinking about October coming right up at me, barging in and making itself known.

I'm going to turn 29. Twenty-fucking-nine. Just one year shy of the big three oh. Shit.

Don't get me wrong, on one hand, I'm excited about October. What with the bazaar coming up, and the big celebration of my 29 years in this world, my friends and I are going to Singapore. And October is the best month. Not quite Christmas yet, so you can do early Christmas shopping without the huge throng of people, and the weather is perfect, not too cold, and not warm. Just right.

I just hate the fact that after the 12th, I'm older than most people I see on tv, I hear on the radio and I see in movies. Gah. Why do I keep having this problem about getting older? Why do I keep feeling uncertain, unfulfilled and discontented whenever my birthday comes rolling around? I promised myself this year would be different. That I would accept my 29th, willingly and gladly.

I seem to have lost my sense of identity if I thought I can let this go without a single rant.

Go figure.