Being Brian

I am too old for this shit.

I used to always have huge crushes on celebrities, constantly dreaming about them. The really embarrassing ones I had fallen semi-in love with were Mel Gibson, Kevin Costner, Keanu Reeves (since Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, thank you very much), Johnny Depp (since 21 Jumpstreet), Matt Biondi, Matt Damon, Eminem, and Daniel Radcliffe. I had posters, watched everything they were in, and cut all pictures.

I know, I know. It's so juvenile. So grade school.

I am still obsessed though.

Right. I'm turning 29 in the next two to three weeks and I'm still obsessing about some celebrity. And this is no joke.

I'm absolutely, completely in love with Brian Kinney of Queer as Folk and Gale Harold (the actor who plays Brian Kinney) is HOT. So hot, I'm insanely jealous of Randy Harrison who plays Justin (Brian's boyfriend in QAF) who gets to kiss and have sex with Gale every time, but damn him, always leaving Brian in the lurch whenever life gets too monotonous.

And I've had crushes on beautiful people. And gorgeous guys. But Brian Kinney is not just gorgeous and beautiful. Beautiful is too mild and sweet a word. He's really Hot, to quote Paris Hilton. Hot is when a guy looks like he will throw you on the bed and have his wicked way with you until you passed out. Hot is when he looks at you and you spontaneously burst into flames. Hot is when he's covered in sweat, eyes heavy lidded and all he had to do is look at you and you'll do anything he asks, as if hypnotized. That is hot.

I'm losing it. I'm making a blog entry about Gale Harold. I don't care what people say. He's almost perfect. It doesn't even matter if I fantasized about him being an ordinary guy i'll meet in Makati Greenbelt one day, wearing a shirt and low-slung jeans, it just doesn't matter. Shucks.

And this obsession has to stop. I eat, breathe and drink Brian Kinney. I sleep, dream and wake up to Brian Kinney. I've been floating, like a ghost of my former self, for the last two weeks, just doing some things automatically without really putting my heart into it. Not sleeping early, forgetting to chat with my sister, and not doing my reports a week ahead of time.

Gah. Life really sucks sometimes. This is not the time to 'float'. So many things to do.

(Especially considering I'm too old for this kind of shit. I utterly sound like a 15year old daydreaming about an older man! In reality, he's just 6 years older.)

(The Pic I Love --- I can imagine us sitting across from each other and I won't even find a second to spare my surroundings a glance. Just look at those dreamy eyes, aquiline nose, pouty lower lips, eyebrows arched just right, and some loose strands of hair falling over forehead.)