"Pleasure is very seldom found where it is sought; our brightest blazes of gladness are commonly kindled by unexpected sparks." - Samuel Johnson
Whenever we think of pleasure, or joy or happiness, we often associate it with things we worked hard for, or things we seek for ourselves. We often believe that there is no greater satisfaction than in being in a place we've been working so hard to get to, or in winning the rat race, against so many competitions. Yes, it's true, there is true pleasure and happiness we gain from these things. How can you not be happy when you are supposed to be happy? These are the things you want, right? And you're expecting that there is a big smiley face at the end of this rough road, so of course you're happy when you reached that destination. But sometimes, the happiness is not that great because the journey has taken such a toll on you that you just feel so tired to be so happy. Sometimes, in your quest for happiness you forget the simple pleasures you get in your journey.
I agree with Johnson, that our 'brightest blazes of gladness are commonly kindled by unexpected sparks.' Mine usually is.
I'll have to dedicate another story for my life's simple pleasures, but this one are my life's pleasant surprises: The surprise birthday party that you didn't really expect from family and friends. The card from that someone you've been crushing on for a long time but thinks he doesn't know you exist. The text message that says he missed you and he remembered your college days. The email that you're hoping to get, but not really expecting to, made your whole week. A startling smile from a gorgeous driver during a stop sign at an intersection in Makati. A sudden laughter from your audience when you made a joke and you're afraid it'll fall flat on your ears. Notes that say 'you brighten my day' and 'you're cute' when you're expecting to get some boring notes that says 'you're a good classmate'. A pat-in-the-back when you think you did a bad job.
A sincere compliment that came out of the blue from a classmate you've been bickering forever with, and there you are now wondering why you put up with him. That compliment probably started your eight-year friendship.
A hug, even when you're happy and you don't really need one. An 'I love you' from your parents, forgiving and full of love, at the time when even you wouldn't want to have a child like yourself. When you got a birthday song over a phone sang in a hoarse voice that is like a gift in itself. An animated conversation with an artist, who is not really that good at talking, which lasted for eight hours when you think the night will be like any other boring night.
And just the other night, I was thinking that my day couldn't get any more uneventful and boring. Just between you and me, I hate feeling bored. I think boredom is a state of mind, and you just need to change your attitude or outlook in life. So I really hate the day and myself at the same time that night. Just before midnight, while watching TV and waiting for myself to doze off, I got a text message from an old friend, saying something corny, funny and cute. It was such an unexpected little surprise that gave my heart a lift and saved the day. I slept with a big smile on my face.
I can list a thousand things that bring me happiness and joy and pleasure during the most unforeseen time and place. It only tells me that although we can work our way to happiness, and we can seek pleasure in gaining material things, we should learn to appreciate the surprises of life. We should also take notice of the little things, the seemingly non-consequential things that happen in our lives, those sudden bursts of happiness, those are the memories you can keep forever.
We should always be ready to be surprised and be amazed, for we never know when life will suddenly give us the unexpected gift of happiness. And let me tell you, if you open yourself up and be aware of these things, I promise you that life will always surprise you.
Life always does.
*wrote this last year...feb 9 2004 to be exact...just want to post it here.
Saturday, April 30, 2005
Inspiration
I found this on one blog. I believe in it, though I must admit, I'm still sometimes stricken with doubts, lingering and eating my confidence away. So I'll post it here to remind myself. The only way is His way.
For the longest time I've been longin'
to love and be loved in return
Everyone else had special someone
I had no one
was no one's main concern
But when I came to know You more
You opened up my eyes
that You had a great plan for me
and I came to realize
With Your love
the fear of endin' up alone is gone
I know I don't have to go through failed relationships
in my quest to find the one
'Cause while I'm waiting for my perfect guy
You're molding me to be the ideal girl
and when we do find one another
we'll know that You brought us together
The long wait will surely be worth it
for a love that'll last forever
Other people say
that finding Mr. Right is like a trial and error thing
"There's a variety of guys to choose from"
their advice was that I better start searchin'
But then I came to understand
that I should just let You choose for me
'Cause Lord if Your will is done I'm certain
the soul You'll pick is my destiny
I have faith in You, my Lord
You love me so much and You just want what's best for me
So I lay it all down
and lift my life to You
For the kind of love You want
the kind that's everlasting and true
If it is from You, Lord
the love will last forever.
*The blog can be found at the given link, I don't know her but I hope she doesn't mind that I posted this at my own blog (without telling her... :p). She didn't give any names on who wrote this or where this came from, so I don't know which writer to credit for this.
For the longest time I've been longin'
to love and be loved in return
Everyone else had special someone
I had no one
was no one's main concern
But when I came to know You more
You opened up my eyes
that You had a great plan for me
and I came to realize
With Your love
the fear of endin' up alone is gone
I know I don't have to go through failed relationships
in my quest to find the one
'Cause while I'm waiting for my perfect guy
You're molding me to be the ideal girl
and when we do find one another
we'll know that You brought us together
The long wait will surely be worth it
for a love that'll last forever
Other people say
that finding Mr. Right is like a trial and error thing
"There's a variety of guys to choose from"
their advice was that I better start searchin'
But then I came to understand
that I should just let You choose for me
'Cause Lord if Your will is done I'm certain
the soul You'll pick is my destiny
I have faith in You, my Lord
You love me so much and You just want what's best for me
So I lay it all down
and lift my life to You
For the kind of love You want
the kind that's everlasting and true
If it is from You, Lord
the love will last forever.
*The blog can be found at the given link, I don't know her but I hope she doesn't mind that I posted this at my own blog (without telling her... :p). She didn't give any names on who wrote this or where this came from, so I don't know which writer to credit for this.
Friday, April 29, 2005
Flag Raising
"Sometimes I wonder if I'm patriotic enough. Yes, I want to kill people, but on both sides."-- Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts]
My day started when I woke up at the sound of my cellphone beeping. RV was re scheduling our lunch for tomorrow instead. When I reached out to get my phone, I realized that it was another warm day. Okay, it's not warm. It's scorching. And for the few remaining people who don't have airconditioned rooms (our family seems bent on suffering during summer months), it makes for a nice excuse not to exercise because it's like living inside a sauna. Alas, it doesn't remove an ounce of fat. It only makes me thirsty.
I immediately swiped with my tongue on the gum space that the removed tooth occupied before. I believe I'm suffering from the incongruity of missing something when you already lost it syndrome. More painkillers. I think I'm becoming addicted to Dolfenal 500.
So, no lunch with my friend, scorching morning, and aching gums. Great. Thank God it's Friday. This is the life of a bum. I need to find some alternative means of generating some sort of income that doesn't involve transportation. That means home based business or online. Gah!
My mom and sister added salt to my wounded morning. They want us to watch 'Can This Be Love' at SM North. One major disadvantage of not having a job is that you can't bite the hand that feeds you. I can't say no to my Mom, even if I could.
And so, there I was, waiting for the movie to begin, when the national anthem was played. I counted at least ten people, yes ten! people who remain seated until it was over. And I thought I couldn't be more vexed today. They are not children who couldn't know, or they are not special people who needed reminding. No, they're full grown adults, some even kissing their girlfriends, or partners not even giving the National Anthem the proper respect.
I'm no patriot. But I am a Filipino and no matter what we say, or what they say about the deadly virues, diseases eating our society, it's BASIC respect to stand up during the National Anthem.
We ask a lot of our country. I daresay anyone who doesn't pay any amount of respect for it have no right whatsoever to complain. Ever.
End of discussion.
My day started when I woke up at the sound of my cellphone beeping. RV was re scheduling our lunch for tomorrow instead. When I reached out to get my phone, I realized that it was another warm day. Okay, it's not warm. It's scorching. And for the few remaining people who don't have airconditioned rooms (our family seems bent on suffering during summer months), it makes for a nice excuse not to exercise because it's like living inside a sauna. Alas, it doesn't remove an ounce of fat. It only makes me thirsty.
I immediately swiped with my tongue on the gum space that the removed tooth occupied before. I believe I'm suffering from the incongruity of missing something when you already lost it syndrome. More painkillers. I think I'm becoming addicted to Dolfenal 500.
So, no lunch with my friend, scorching morning, and aching gums. Great. Thank God it's Friday. This is the life of a bum. I need to find some alternative means of generating some sort of income that doesn't involve transportation. That means home based business or online. Gah!
My mom and sister added salt to my wounded morning. They want us to watch 'Can This Be Love' at SM North. One major disadvantage of not having a job is that you can't bite the hand that feeds you. I can't say no to my Mom, even if I could.
And so, there I was, waiting for the movie to begin, when the national anthem was played. I counted at least ten people, yes ten! people who remain seated until it was over. And I thought I couldn't be more vexed today. They are not children who couldn't know, or they are not special people who needed reminding. No, they're full grown adults, some even kissing their girlfriends, or partners not even giving the National Anthem the proper respect.
I'm no patriot. But I am a Filipino and no matter what we say, or what they say about the deadly virues, diseases eating our society, it's BASIC respect to stand up during the National Anthem.
We ask a lot of our country. I daresay anyone who doesn't pay any amount of respect for it have no right whatsoever to complain. Ever.
End of discussion.
Wednesday, April 27, 2005
Vanity?
" It is better to be beautiful than to be good. But it is better to be good than to be ugly. " - Oscar Wilde
Call me vain, but this is not vanity. I was willing to put up with constant pain just to keep my teeth. My dentist said my teeth is weird. (Go figure, my teeth has the same personality as I do.) The dentist said it has to be removed. Faced with the choices of smiling without a tooth, and constant pain, I almost chose constant pain.
But, it was not the rational thing to do. No one wants to pop pain killers every time, just because I want to smile wide. Gah!
Now, I ask you, why oh why do these things keep coming my way? It's like God is shouting at me that I will have to be celibate forever ang give up dreams of my own family.
And all these ranting because of a tooth.
Call me vain, but this is not vanity. I was willing to put up with constant pain just to keep my teeth. My dentist said my teeth is weird. (Go figure, my teeth has the same personality as I do.) The dentist said it has to be removed. Faced with the choices of smiling without a tooth, and constant pain, I almost chose constant pain.
But, it was not the rational thing to do. No one wants to pop pain killers every time, just because I want to smile wide. Gah!
Now, I ask you, why oh why do these things keep coming my way? It's like God is shouting at me that I will have to be celibate forever ang give up dreams of my own family.
And all these ranting because of a tooth.
Pop Ups
"Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us." - Bill Waterson
* * *
I don't know which is worse really, that I will be rejected because I'm not 'sosyal' enough or that I'm an 'uptown girl'. Gah! Spare me from guys who are either too full of themselves or not secure enough of himself. Isn't there someone who can handle a girl somewhere in the middle?
* * *
We went to SM North Edsa earlier, bringing Joaquin with us. He's quite a bundle. Never can sit still, always shouting and always running away from me. Given this exasperating job of taking care of a naughty three year old boy, I still envy my sister in law for having a child of her own.
I want my own. I believe I'll be a good mother.
I'll do my best.
* * *
"Some cause happiness wherever they go. Some, whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde
* * *
BUMPER STICKER : IF EVERYTHING IS COMING YOUR WAY, THEN YOU'RE ON THE WRONG LANE.
(Bwahaha...that's so funny. Sorry can't help but make asinine comments.)
* * *
It's been so long since I've flirted with a guy. I think it's comes naturally, though I forgotten how already. I also think I botched things up naturally. And in this line of thought, I think even before it started, I'm already thinking of screwing up. Another GAh!
* * *
And before I go...
Funny Quote:
Lady Nancy Alastor to Winston Churchill: "If you were my husband, I will poison your drink."
Winston Churchill: "Madam, if you were my wife, I will drink it."
* * *
I don't know which is worse really, that I will be rejected because I'm not 'sosyal' enough or that I'm an 'uptown girl'. Gah! Spare me from guys who are either too full of themselves or not secure enough of himself. Isn't there someone who can handle a girl somewhere in the middle?
* * *
We went to SM North Edsa earlier, bringing Joaquin with us. He's quite a bundle. Never can sit still, always shouting and always running away from me. Given this exasperating job of taking care of a naughty three year old boy, I still envy my sister in law for having a child of her own.
I want my own. I believe I'll be a good mother.
I'll do my best.
* * *
"Some cause happiness wherever they go. Some, whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde
* * *
BUMPER STICKER : IF EVERYTHING IS COMING YOUR WAY, THEN YOU'RE ON THE WRONG LANE.
(Bwahaha...that's so funny. Sorry can't help but make asinine comments.)
* * *
It's been so long since I've flirted with a guy. I think it's comes naturally, though I forgotten how already. I also think I botched things up naturally. And in this line of thought, I think even before it started, I'm already thinking of screwing up. Another GAh!
* * *
And before I go...
Funny Quote:
Lady Nancy Alastor to Winston Churchill: "If you were my husband, I will poison your drink."
Winston Churchill: "Madam, if you were my wife, I will drink it."
Monday, April 25, 2005
eBooking
If I'm going to write an ebook, I was wondering what in the world am I going to write about? So I've compiled a list of the things I know so well either because I love doing it or somebody in my family is obsessed with it, and I'm going to take it from there.
(This is what happens when you're stuck in nowhere road.)
List of potential eBook topics:
1. everything Harry Potter
2. Horoscopes / Astrology : Why Believe It
3. Asian Fusion: Collection of the Best Asian Recipes
4. Big Book of Quotes
5. Travel Dreams
(Oh no. I can only think of 5 possible info ebook I can write. The others are trashy. Along the lines of trashy romance novels. Gah!)
Hmmm...I'll probably start with the Big Book of Quotes. I've been collecting for years. I think that'll be the easiest. Weee, wish me luck. Wanted to write a book (for myself) for a long time, even if I won't publish. Hope my patience would hold.....(I'm crossing my fingers!)
(This is what happens when you're stuck in nowhere road.)
List of potential eBook topics:
1. everything Harry Potter
2. Horoscopes / Astrology : Why Believe It
3. Asian Fusion: Collection of the Best Asian Recipes
4. Big Book of Quotes
5. Travel Dreams
(Oh no. I can only think of 5 possible info ebook I can write. The others are trashy. Along the lines of trashy romance novels. Gah!)
Hmmm...I'll probably start with the Big Book of Quotes. I've been collecting for years. I think that'll be the easiest. Weee, wish me luck. Wanted to write a book (for myself) for a long time, even if I won't publish. Hope my patience would hold.....(I'm crossing my fingers!)
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
A Message
Can't believe how happy can one message from a friend make me! Goes to show how lonely I was, or how desolate and confused lately. But I was feeling better, and the short message came on time.
Oh well, just glad that I'm back in touch with RV.
Oh well, just glad that I'm back in touch with RV.
Monday, April 18, 2005
Maybe
Aside from the shame associated with being a bum, (jobless, to be precise, but by choice, thank you very much) I think I'll be very happy living this life. I am with my sister and my mother, taking care of my nephew and my niece, and if or whenever I make some small amount of money, it's often accompanied by the exhiliration of making a sale or making profit that goes straight to our pockets and not to the company heads.
Note, that I said shame. I am embarrassed that I haven't found a job yet. I got two offers, but I turned both down because, well, it doesn't feel right and it's not just practical for me to continue. (Oh well, I didn't know that in accordance to accepting a teaching position, I have to take Masteral Degree in Math! No thanks.)
Hopefully, I can get over the shame, because it's only a couple of weeks till May and I'll have no chance of getting a job then. I'll have to wait until next year.
Maybe this is God's way of telling me to finally go ahead and do something worthwhile...like volunteer. :-D
Note, that I said shame. I am embarrassed that I haven't found a job yet. I got two offers, but I turned both down because, well, it doesn't feel right and it's not just practical for me to continue. (Oh well, I didn't know that in accordance to accepting a teaching position, I have to take Masteral Degree in Math! No thanks.)
Hopefully, I can get over the shame, because it's only a couple of weeks till May and I'll have no chance of getting a job then. I'll have to wait until next year.
Maybe this is God's way of telling me to finally go ahead and do something worthwhile...like volunteer. :-D
Sunday, April 17, 2005
My Guy
"Ask for what you want and be prepared to get it." - Maya Angelou
This morning, I was on the verge of stressing again. But not something about being an old maid in particular, just life in general, getting older, and not living the life I wanted. Just enough to give one a headache really. When we attended mass, the readings speak of the mantra of all Catholics -- The Lord is my Shepherd...
The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not want;
he makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters;
he restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil; for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me.
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of my enemies; thou anointest my head with oil, my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life; and I shall dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.
- Psalm 23: 1-6
This is a very powerful verse, which all Catholics learned at a very early age. Whenever you're down and troubled, you should remember, that the Lord will take care of you. If you're having a difficult time, remember that there is nothing to be afraid of, because He'll always be with you.
I kept thinking, in the deep dark recesses of my mind, that the Lord was very generous to His other sheep but me when it comes to bestowing romantic love. But as soon as the thought was acknowledged, I felt immensely guilty, feeling blasphemous, for He was not lacking in love, for me. I was blessed, so blessed, I was just probably concentrating on that one aspect which I lacked, and I blamed Him for it. But whenever I feel depressed, or lonely, I turn to Him for comfort. And He never fails to be comforting.
And again, I was torn. I felt guilty for always wishing that He give me True Love and that He show me what path I should take, what my vocation is in life. I felt really confused, because it seems I am far from understanding His message, and I long to understand really. I feel like understanding Him will release me from all these conflicting thoughts and emotions.
Yes, I believe in God's will. Yes, I offer my life to Him (He knows I will try my hardest, although that is not as easy as it sounds). And yes, I know everything happens for a reason and only He knows what that reason is. I don't really want to write about this, it's so redundant. I keep whining about being single and even I am cringing at how pitiful I sounded already. It's way past annoying and bordering on nauseating. And this will not help me at all in changing my mindset about love and life and being an old maid. But I've been wanting to write and this was inspired by Maya Angelou's quote about asking for what I want and be prepared to get it. I was asking with all my soul except in writing. And I think I'll write it down and write what I want and forget about it. Just to let it out, be clear about it and then, accept whatever happens.
But what am I really looking for? Or praying for? What do I really want in a guy? I've written lots of essay about this and I don't really know if I got my message across or people who have read it only got a vague notion of someone funny and smart and tall. Let me try one last time...
First off, contrary to popular opinion, I am not looking for someone gorgeous. Being cute is a bonus. I have my own definition of beauty and cliche as it may be, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Beauty for me is the broad shoulders, usually situated higher than me, so it's easier to lean on. (There goes the guys smaller than me...hehehe...) Expressive eyes also does the trick, but what makes a face beautiful to my eyes is the way it lights up at the beginning of a smile. So there. That's it. Those are the only physical things I am looking for. Granted, I am looking for someone tall. Who wouldn't? (And I basically have a theory that 'petite' guys are overly confident, sometimes obnoxious, and are more often than not, has a personality as abrasive as a sand paper. RV is an exception. And if ever God will give me to someone not as tall as I would have liked, then I would like to think, he's also an exception to this rule of Compensating for What They Lack in Size) But I'm not looking for someone fair, has curly hair, mestizo or has this body type, etc, etc. Just a great smile, nice eyes and broad shoulders.
Okay then, the part that is difficult to explain. I want someone I can talk to. Gah. So cliche, so common. But really, it holds deeper meaning than that. Let me try to explain. If I want someone I can talk to, there should be a point where our interests meet. I like travels, art, education, environmental awareness, books, music and movies. I also follow sports, current events and watch NGC and Discovery pretty regularly. I'm not academically smart, and I talk to my friends about a lot of nonsense, so there. Reading that, I should pretty much get along with anyone, right? But I'm shaped by the institutions I came from...private Catholic schools and UP where pretty much everyone has an opinion and they like to be heard. In short, a person who's non-Catholic, doesn't read, doesn't watch movies, doesn't like desserts much, doesn't care if humans deplete the earth's resources, doesn't listen to anyone's opinion but his, and will force me to play a multitude of sports is not my guy at all. We won't have anything to talk about really. Talking about cellphones, cars, gadgets and where to eat, or lame jokes just don't do it for me. I can almost feel my brain cells shutting off when I encounter people who invariably talks of nothing else but silly things. I can be silly, talk a bunch of nonsense, but not all the time.
My list is short, but complicated. Just like each of us is. I imagine I can sound silly to someone who's serious and has no sense of humor. And I can imagine that those boys who likes to party day in and day out, and brandishes their new gadget, thinks I'm a poor party pooper who is one step away from being a manang. But that's how best I can explain it. Hopefully He'll get my meaning and won't send me someone who doesn't get British humor.
I am the only one who can quote the most powerful words from the Bible and end it with something as nonsensical as what I am attracted to. Gah. Forgive me. I shall write again on that verse, I have so much to tell.
And oh...I almost forgot. Aside from the eyes, smile, shoulders and all the things that goes with the label 'someone I can talk to', please let him be Catholic. It's hard to explain to non-Catholic why I'll be thanking God, instead of him or Fate, if ever he comes into my life.
This morning, I was on the verge of stressing again. But not something about being an old maid in particular, just life in general, getting older, and not living the life I wanted. Just enough to give one a headache really. When we attended mass, the readings speak of the mantra of all Catholics -- The Lord is my Shepherd...
The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not want;
he makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters;
he restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil; for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me.
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of my enemies; thou anointest my head with oil, my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life; and I shall dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.
- Psalm 23: 1-6
This is a very powerful verse, which all Catholics learned at a very early age. Whenever you're down and troubled, you should remember, that the Lord will take care of you. If you're having a difficult time, remember that there is nothing to be afraid of, because He'll always be with you.
I kept thinking, in the deep dark recesses of my mind, that the Lord was very generous to His other sheep but me when it comes to bestowing romantic love. But as soon as the thought was acknowledged, I felt immensely guilty, feeling blasphemous, for He was not lacking in love, for me. I was blessed, so blessed, I was just probably concentrating on that one aspect which I lacked, and I blamed Him for it. But whenever I feel depressed, or lonely, I turn to Him for comfort. And He never fails to be comforting.
And again, I was torn. I felt guilty for always wishing that He give me True Love and that He show me what path I should take, what my vocation is in life. I felt really confused, because it seems I am far from understanding His message, and I long to understand really. I feel like understanding Him will release me from all these conflicting thoughts and emotions.
Yes, I believe in God's will. Yes, I offer my life to Him (He knows I will try my hardest, although that is not as easy as it sounds). And yes, I know everything happens for a reason and only He knows what that reason is. I don't really want to write about this, it's so redundant. I keep whining about being single and even I am cringing at how pitiful I sounded already. It's way past annoying and bordering on nauseating. And this will not help me at all in changing my mindset about love and life and being an old maid. But I've been wanting to write and this was inspired by Maya Angelou's quote about asking for what I want and be prepared to get it. I was asking with all my soul except in writing. And I think I'll write it down and write what I want and forget about it. Just to let it out, be clear about it and then, accept whatever happens.
But what am I really looking for? Or praying for? What do I really want in a guy? I've written lots of essay about this and I don't really know if I got my message across or people who have read it only got a vague notion of someone funny and smart and tall. Let me try one last time...
First off, contrary to popular opinion, I am not looking for someone gorgeous. Being cute is a bonus. I have my own definition of beauty and cliche as it may be, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Beauty for me is the broad shoulders, usually situated higher than me, so it's easier to lean on. (There goes the guys smaller than me...hehehe...) Expressive eyes also does the trick, but what makes a face beautiful to my eyes is the way it lights up at the beginning of a smile. So there. That's it. Those are the only physical things I am looking for. Granted, I am looking for someone tall. Who wouldn't? (And I basically have a theory that 'petite' guys are overly confident, sometimes obnoxious, and are more often than not, has a personality as abrasive as a sand paper. RV is an exception. And if ever God will give me to someone not as tall as I would have liked, then I would like to think, he's also an exception to this rule of Compensating for What They Lack in Size) But I'm not looking for someone fair, has curly hair, mestizo or has this body type, etc, etc. Just a great smile, nice eyes and broad shoulders.
Okay then, the part that is difficult to explain. I want someone I can talk to. Gah. So cliche, so common. But really, it holds deeper meaning than that. Let me try to explain. If I want someone I can talk to, there should be a point where our interests meet. I like travels, art, education, environmental awareness, books, music and movies. I also follow sports, current events and watch NGC and Discovery pretty regularly. I'm not academically smart, and I talk to my friends about a lot of nonsense, so there. Reading that, I should pretty much get along with anyone, right? But I'm shaped by the institutions I came from...private Catholic schools and UP where pretty much everyone has an opinion and they like to be heard. In short, a person who's non-Catholic, doesn't read, doesn't watch movies, doesn't like desserts much, doesn't care if humans deplete the earth's resources, doesn't listen to anyone's opinion but his, and will force me to play a multitude of sports is not my guy at all. We won't have anything to talk about really. Talking about cellphones, cars, gadgets and where to eat, or lame jokes just don't do it for me. I can almost feel my brain cells shutting off when I encounter people who invariably talks of nothing else but silly things. I can be silly, talk a bunch of nonsense, but not all the time.
My list is short, but complicated. Just like each of us is. I imagine I can sound silly to someone who's serious and has no sense of humor. And I can imagine that those boys who likes to party day in and day out, and brandishes their new gadget, thinks I'm a poor party pooper who is one step away from being a manang. But that's how best I can explain it. Hopefully He'll get my meaning and won't send me someone who doesn't get British humor.
I am the only one who can quote the most powerful words from the Bible and end it with something as nonsensical as what I am attracted to. Gah. Forgive me. I shall write again on that verse, I have so much to tell.
And oh...I almost forgot. Aside from the eyes, smile, shoulders and all the things that goes with the label 'someone I can talk to', please let him be Catholic. It's hard to explain to non-Catholic why I'll be thanking God, instead of him or Fate, if ever he comes into my life.
Saturday, April 16, 2005
Growing Older
"Growing old is a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter."-- Jack Benny, American comedian/actor/performer
"Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at 2 or 8. Anyone who keeps learning stays young. The greatest thing in life is to keep your mind young."-- Moshe Arens (b. 1925), Israeli defense minister
I know, I know. This is bordering on paranoia when I'm talking about growing older roughly six months before my 29th birthday. (But it's there, it's coming!) I have read before that great people achieve success when they were in their 20s. They're married, have children and they still had the time to do something great. Great. More pressure.
And I was thinking, so early in Sunday morning (again!) that I haven't done anything in my 20s. I didn't blaze any trail of my own, I didn't do anything spectacular. Well, aside from leaving a high paying job to pursue my dream (which isn't paying off really, as I can see now). I'm worried that I made the wrong choice. But deep inside, I knew I made the right one. It felt right. And even if I don't really get a job to become a teacher this year, who knows what's waiting for me? Maybe I am destined to put up a school of my own. Or maybe I am bound to teach for free for less fortunate ones. Even though I panic every now and then, I still believe there's something for me out there and that I made the right choice. That's my blaze of glory. Choosing dreams instead of climbing the caterpillar pillar with the rest of the caterpillars.
But of course, leaving the comforts of high earnings, means that I compare myself to my peers every time. They always have money to spare, and people think they are doing something worthwhile. While people look at me and they think I'm not doing anything with my life (Gah, even I think that sometimes) and they see a woman nearing her 30s with nothing to show for it. Or at least, that's what I'm afraid they'll think.
The thing is, in my heart of hearts, I am stuck at age 25. I think, feel and act like I'm still 25. Like everything ahead is still fair game. Like I still have time to blaze my trails and find true love while doing so. Like I could still do anything.
And then, someone or something will remind me that I'm not. The dates in the calendar keeps flying off the handle. My niece and nephew growing right before my eyes. My friends finding true love and getting married, while in the comforts of a high paying job. *sigh* These are painful reminders that I'm not young forever.
But I seem to remember, that the Jesus in the Bible started evangelizing in His 30s. Right? (If I'm not right, then, don't tell me. It gives me comfort to hide in this illusion.) If Jesus did those great things in His 30s then I'm no longer worried. He probably also enjoyed His youth. And when He turned 30 (which is like 40 or 50 in our time), He thinks it's time to do His life's mission. And He didn't mind growing older, and that's big of Him, knowing that He's going to die for other people's sins.
Hmm, I dream of achieving lifelong dreams and finding true love. Both seem farfetched. Both seem dark, and no longer looming in my future horizon. I just pray that I'll find my own way, my own mission, so to speak, what I was meant to be doing, as I approach that horizon, and that I will not mind the time it takes me to get there, that I will not mind getting older.
Afterall, if I'm really stuck at age 25, I'll probably still be drinking, eating and living my unexamined life, doing nothing but existing. Growing older seem God's way of reminding me to grow old in spirit and mind, yet retain youth's enthusiasm for life.
"Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at 2 or 8. Anyone who keeps learning stays young. The greatest thing in life is to keep your mind young."-- Moshe Arens (b. 1925), Israeli defense minister
I know, I know. This is bordering on paranoia when I'm talking about growing older roughly six months before my 29th birthday. (But it's there, it's coming!) I have read before that great people achieve success when they were in their 20s. They're married, have children and they still had the time to do something great. Great. More pressure.
And I was thinking, so early in Sunday morning (again!) that I haven't done anything in my 20s. I didn't blaze any trail of my own, I didn't do anything spectacular. Well, aside from leaving a high paying job to pursue my dream (which isn't paying off really, as I can see now). I'm worried that I made the wrong choice. But deep inside, I knew I made the right one. It felt right. And even if I don't really get a job to become a teacher this year, who knows what's waiting for me? Maybe I am destined to put up a school of my own. Or maybe I am bound to teach for free for less fortunate ones. Even though I panic every now and then, I still believe there's something for me out there and that I made the right choice. That's my blaze of glory. Choosing dreams instead of climbing the caterpillar pillar with the rest of the caterpillars.
But of course, leaving the comforts of high earnings, means that I compare myself to my peers every time. They always have money to spare, and people think they are doing something worthwhile. While people look at me and they think I'm not doing anything with my life (Gah, even I think that sometimes) and they see a woman nearing her 30s with nothing to show for it. Or at least, that's what I'm afraid they'll think.
The thing is, in my heart of hearts, I am stuck at age 25. I think, feel and act like I'm still 25. Like everything ahead is still fair game. Like I still have time to blaze my trails and find true love while doing so. Like I could still do anything.
And then, someone or something will remind me that I'm not. The dates in the calendar keeps flying off the handle. My niece and nephew growing right before my eyes. My friends finding true love and getting married, while in the comforts of a high paying job. *sigh* These are painful reminders that I'm not young forever.
But I seem to remember, that the Jesus in the Bible started evangelizing in His 30s. Right? (If I'm not right, then, don't tell me. It gives me comfort to hide in this illusion.) If Jesus did those great things in His 30s then I'm no longer worried. He probably also enjoyed His youth. And when He turned 30 (which is like 40 or 50 in our time), He thinks it's time to do His life's mission. And He didn't mind growing older, and that's big of Him, knowing that He's going to die for other people's sins.
Hmm, I dream of achieving lifelong dreams and finding true love. Both seem farfetched. Both seem dark, and no longer looming in my future horizon. I just pray that I'll find my own way, my own mission, so to speak, what I was meant to be doing, as I approach that horizon, and that I will not mind the time it takes me to get there, that I will not mind getting older.
Afterall, if I'm really stuck at age 25, I'll probably still be drinking, eating and living my unexamined life, doing nothing but existing. Growing older seem God's way of reminding me to grow old in spirit and mind, yet retain youth's enthusiasm for life.
Thursday, April 14, 2005
Resignation
res·ig·na·tion (re-zig-'nA-sh&n) noun
1 a : an act or instance of resigning something : SURRENDER (Middle English, from Middle French surrendre, from sur- + rendre to give back, yield) 1: to give up completely 2: to give oneself up into the power of another
I'm resigned to the fact that a) I probably won't be working as a teacher come June, so I have one school year to think of what I want to do with my life...career-wise that is; b) I'll probably live with my parents until I'm gray and old.
Sigh.
If that's what He's telling me, then, so be it.
1 a : an act or instance of resigning something : SURRENDER (Middle English, from Middle French surrendre, from sur- + rendre to give back, yield) 1: to give up completely 2: to give oneself up into the power of another
I'm resigned to the fact that a) I probably won't be working as a teacher come June, so I have one school year to think of what I want to do with my life...career-wise that is; b) I'll probably live with my parents until I'm gray and old.
Sigh.
If that's what He's telling me, then, so be it.
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
The Code
"That is the definition of faith - acceptance of that which we imagine to be true, that which we cannot prove." - The Da Vinci Code, Dan Brown
Since I do not want to think too much about the future, or my depressing situation, I often retreat to my bedroom, clutching a book and reading. After going through a Children's Book phase, I began re-reading my M. Puzo books and then I bought Dan Brown's other books. (I've been looking for Angels and Demons, which Liza lent me before, so my sister can read it...so in time with the conclave happening in the Vatican right now, but I can't find it anywhere.) I finished his two books quickly, and I still want to read more conspiracy books. So....I went and re-read The Da Vinci Code.
Here's what I don't get, why are some Catholics against the book? It's fiction! It makes for a good read, and it's not the Bible. They say it's attacking the Roman Catholic Church, stating things like our faith is based on falsehood. What the book is saying is that these are the conspiracies surrounding your faith. And I for one, thinks it's entertaining and enlightening to know some information, (like any good reader, I verified which info is true and which is not) and it really is fast-paced, descriptive and a very good read. Some even forbid others to read it because "it will destroy your faith in the Catholic church". It saddens me that a book, a mere fictional book, can destroy a person's faith. I will be insulted if a person will forbid me to read this book for fear my faith will be destroyed by a bestseller. Come on! How little do you think my faith is? I'm not religious, nor am I that spiritual, but I believe in my Faith, and no amount of conspiracy theories can swerve me from it.
That's the thing that's bugging me about Catholic fanatics. They abhor anything that say anything bad about Catholic faith, not knowing that they are the ones giving it a bad name.
So what if Jesus Christ was married? Does that mean He's no longer the Son of God? Does that mean He no longer hears our prayers? So what if the Church did some terrible things in the past? I would like to think that Catholics around the world know their faith's history. It should not make you think that God no longer exist, doesn't it? So what if the Church is keeping this a secret? So what if there may be people who're descended from Christ? So what if Jesus was human after all? So what if this is all true? Or if this is all false? It doesn't make sense to take it as gospel truth, since it was released as a fictional book.
Does reading about Harry Potter makes you less Catholic because it talks about magic and witches and wizards? Does reading Anne Rice, which talks about the devil and Jesus Christ and God (in her book, Memnoch the Devil) be able to eradicate your faith so easily?
The point is, it's a book. If it's supposed to be based wholly on fact, then it'll be hundred of pages long and will be regarded as a textbook of scholarly proportions. But it's fiction! I think it's a very good book. What makes it very good is the fact that the reader is forced to think. The author keeps everything semi-real by quoting some facts and embellishing truths to further support his conspiracy theories. You'll also read some things which sounds true, just because the documents are there, that some books state this and that, and when you check the book is real. Of course! But readers will later realize that these are just books written by men also and are also based on their interpretation of some facts and truths. I was looking at paintings of Da Vinci, searching for info about the history of Catholic Church that dates back from Constantine and learning new things. Few books can do this to me.
So, all in all, it was a good book. And if you're Catholic and doesn't want to read it because you think it's against everything you believe in, think again...how much faith do you have that you're afraid to read a very entertaining book that might be against it? I highly recommend it to all Catholic bookworms. Very entertaining.
To quote a Catholic book reviewer...."Jesus taught his disciples that the proper way to evangelize a strange city is to enter it with their eyes open, carrying very little, and to exchange blessing for blessing. As we enter the 21st Century, we Christians need to pay attention to what’s going on around us and among us, on the hunt for the good our culture has to offer, and not afraid to call out its lies and dark secrets—especially when they’re our own. "*
---
*John Tintera, Episcopal Priest book reviewer
Since I do not want to think too much about the future, or my depressing situation, I often retreat to my bedroom, clutching a book and reading. After going through a Children's Book phase, I began re-reading my M. Puzo books and then I bought Dan Brown's other books. (I've been looking for Angels and Demons, which Liza lent me before, so my sister can read it...so in time with the conclave happening in the Vatican right now, but I can't find it anywhere.) I finished his two books quickly, and I still want to read more conspiracy books. So....I went and re-read The Da Vinci Code.
Here's what I don't get, why are some Catholics against the book? It's fiction! It makes for a good read, and it's not the Bible. They say it's attacking the Roman Catholic Church, stating things like our faith is based on falsehood. What the book is saying is that these are the conspiracies surrounding your faith. And I for one, thinks it's entertaining and enlightening to know some information, (like any good reader, I verified which info is true and which is not) and it really is fast-paced, descriptive and a very good read. Some even forbid others to read it because "it will destroy your faith in the Catholic church". It saddens me that a book, a mere fictional book, can destroy a person's faith. I will be insulted if a person will forbid me to read this book for fear my faith will be destroyed by a bestseller. Come on! How little do you think my faith is? I'm not religious, nor am I that spiritual, but I believe in my Faith, and no amount of conspiracy theories can swerve me from it.
That's the thing that's bugging me about Catholic fanatics. They abhor anything that say anything bad about Catholic faith, not knowing that they are the ones giving it a bad name.
So what if Jesus Christ was married? Does that mean He's no longer the Son of God? Does that mean He no longer hears our prayers? So what if the Church did some terrible things in the past? I would like to think that Catholics around the world know their faith's history. It should not make you think that God no longer exist, doesn't it? So what if the Church is keeping this a secret? So what if there may be people who're descended from Christ? So what if Jesus was human after all? So what if this is all true? Or if this is all false? It doesn't make sense to take it as gospel truth, since it was released as a fictional book.
Does reading about Harry Potter makes you less Catholic because it talks about magic and witches and wizards? Does reading Anne Rice, which talks about the devil and Jesus Christ and God (in her book, Memnoch the Devil) be able to eradicate your faith so easily?
The point is, it's a book. If it's supposed to be based wholly on fact, then it'll be hundred of pages long and will be regarded as a textbook of scholarly proportions. But it's fiction! I think it's a very good book. What makes it very good is the fact that the reader is forced to think. The author keeps everything semi-real by quoting some facts and embellishing truths to further support his conspiracy theories. You'll also read some things which sounds true, just because the documents are there, that some books state this and that, and when you check the book is real. Of course! But readers will later realize that these are just books written by men also and are also based on their interpretation of some facts and truths. I was looking at paintings of Da Vinci, searching for info about the history of Catholic Church that dates back from Constantine and learning new things. Few books can do this to me.
So, all in all, it was a good book. And if you're Catholic and doesn't want to read it because you think it's against everything you believe in, think again...how much faith do you have that you're afraid to read a very entertaining book that might be against it? I highly recommend it to all Catholic bookworms. Very entertaining.
To quote a Catholic book reviewer...."Jesus taught his disciples that the proper way to evangelize a strange city is to enter it with their eyes open, carrying very little, and to exchange blessing for blessing. As we enter the 21st Century, we Christians need to pay attention to what’s going on around us and among us, on the hunt for the good our culture has to offer, and not afraid to call out its lies and dark secrets—especially when they’re our own. "*
---
*John Tintera, Episcopal Priest book reviewer
Tuesday, April 12, 2005
The Ring of Fire
The "Ring of Fire" is an arc stretching from New Zealand, along the eastern edge of Asia, north across the Aleutian Islands of Alaska, and south along the coast of North and South America. It is composed over 75% of the world's active and dormant volcanoes.
I'm just taking note of things...there has been a very active series of underground activity of earthquakes and volcanic activities observed in this part of the so-called Ring of Fire since December when the tsunami hit South Asia. Combined with the emails circulating about a big earthquake coming to Manila, I feel we should pray doubly hard.
I would like to think that the Filipinos were spared last December, because even though times are changing, some things remain the same. We, somehow, someway, still believe in our Faith and still believe in prayers.
And prayer, I believe, makes miracles happen.
Monday, April 11, 2005
Couch Potato
It is a true sign of being a bum. I have a list of TV shows in a week that I will not dare miss, and what's more, I feel passionately about. Feel free to skip reading if you don't like TV. I'm feeling better (ignorance is bliss...I'm not thinking of anything and indulging in TV and Harry/ Draco stories -- for me, that's the best way getting rid of unwanted melancholy.)
My grasp for TV broadened immensely when I resigned from work two years ago. It lessened when I was practice teaching and is back again full force. So here I am, going to talk about my sister's favorite topic -- My Favorite TV Shows. (And I'll be confessing to watching even those crappy ones...hehehe)
The Apprentice
I probably still have business and corporate in my blood because I totally enjoy watching The Apprentice. It's silly really because the prize of this show is a job. Yes, they do not give millions, they give the winner a job! Anyway, I like the interaction, the bitches and the whining, the strategies and all the backhanded way each candidate stabbed at each other behind their backs. Besides, I like Bill, last season's winner and so far, this season's tasks are interesting. Ah...I don't miss corporate at all. Who needs corporate's understated, yet sometimes spiteful energy, when you can watch it on TV at the comfort of your room?
CSI Las Vegas
Ah, how can I resist science and drama coming together on TV? I don't know why I'm not very good at Science when I spend most of my TV nights in the past watching Discovery channel instead of telenovelas. But alas, my Scientific knowledge is not up to par, but my interest on the subject has always been piqued, by any sort of mystery. And CSI Las Vegas has all the right recipe for TV drama. I like the cast, I like the plots and I like how they solved each case every episode, trying to separate their personal lives from their work. Great stuff. I look forward to Wednesday nights.
American Idol
Here's the crappy TV show confession part. Well, I like Fantasia. So I watched this season from the very beginning. Sometimes I wonder at the decisions of Americans voting in the show. I don't know why Scott is still there and why Nadia is not getting the boot out. I swear, I will not eat desserts for a we-- okay, for 3 days as a sign of protest against all Americans if they still not let go of Scott or Nadia. Those two are the worst singers in that show! I like Carrie. I hope she wins. And I hope Scott and Nadia fall flat on their faces this week.
Queer Eye for the Straight Guy
The reasons for watching this show? Carson, Kyan, Jay, Ted and Thom. Enough said.
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno
The dry wit, the laughing at the expense of his guests, Headlines, Jaywalking, and all the Michael Jackson jokes? Who wouldn't like this show? I especially look forward to the opening act and the segments...those segments are the best. Headlines (i repeat), Jaywalking, Stuff we found on e-bay last Saturday is hilarious, though Teenage Wasteland need to be scrapped.
Late Night with Conan O'Brien
Conan is funny just by standing there. He can stare at the screen for five seconds and people will still laugh. The lanky redhaired geek who makes fun of other people and thinks he's gorgeous routine is fantastic. I have gotten used to watching Conan before going to sleep at night. My evening wouldn't be complete.
The Amazing Race & Charmed
TV shows I still watch from time to time that I loved to watch before. I still watch Charmed regularly but not religiously, you know what I mean? Amazing Race lost its appeal when they allowed and keep on allowing, might I add, Rob and Amber to be in the race and do despicable things.
Lost
I can't tell you much, except this -- I like it so far and everything's a mystery. I'm eagerly awaiting the next installment. What will happened to Jack? And how did Colonel Locke captured the boar? Hmmm... and the one million dollar question? Where really are they?
My Favorite Channels ---
Living Asia
It's about travel. It's about the beauty of Asia and the Philippines. I'm a travel fiend and I love my country. Can't ask for more...(And they are fond of quoting famous people about travelling. A Channel after my own heart!)
CNN/ BBC
Whether you believe me or not, you'll more often than not find my TV in CNN or BBC in the morning and at night after Conan if I'm still awake. I've made friends with Walter Rogers, Veronica Pedrosa, Christiane Amanpour and the rest (there's Richard, Alesio, Akita, Bill and so on and so forth) during the invasion of Iraq and I couldn't let go ever since. It was this two news network that made it possible for me to know the answer to the million peso question in Game Ka na Ba? this afternoon since I've been following news around the Pope since he got ill until the funeral. (The question? Where is the mosque, where PJPII visited - the first time a Pope ever visited a mosque, located? What Middle Eastern country?-- The answer? Wee hee, you probably already know the answer to that if you've been watching CNN or BBC, they kinda repeated this over and over again in relation with the Pope's eventful and legendary accomplishments and I was psyched that I knew the answer!). About BBC, sometimes, when I'm reading, I like turning the TV on and putting BBC...just so I can hear those British accents I so love to hear in the background.
National Geographic
Or Discovery Channel. I am a firm fan of Discovery Channel when SkyCable CAMANAVA still offer both channels. I find NG boring and Discovery has Ian Wright, GlobeTrekker, science mysteries, and so on and so forth. But since they deprived us of Discovery, (those wretched, despicable cable TV operators here in Camanava) I had no choice but to watch NG. And this is a case of learning to love the one you're with...I like watching Frontiers of Construction, Megastructures, and About Asia. Ah, those engineers building seemingly impossible construction feats gained sexy points right before my eyes.
HBO
Home Box Office. Movies you can watch at home. Again, 'nuff said.
---
Hah, I used to watch comedies...Frasier, Everybody Loves Raymond, Monk, Becker...those guys crack me up! Really. I like Niles, I like Raymond's brother Bob ('Does his name starts with an R and ends with an 'aymond'? cracks me up everytime, I tell you!) I like Monk and I like the condescending wit of Ted Danson in Becker. I still watch Will and Grace, Friends and Frasier though. But not religiously. Just if it happens to be on and there's nothing interesting in my favorite channels...
I wonder why I don't have a favorite pinoy tv show? Well, if I would've, it'll be one with Ryan Agoncillo on. But I don't like Krystala. I am neither a Kapamilya nor a Kapuso. My bro and sis will tear me apart for my saying I'm not a Kapamilya.
So, there. My most used keys in my remote control are 18, 19, 24, 28, 29, 35, 36, 37 and 44. Hmm... it's Monday today, so Queer Eye tonight. Alas, no Jay Leno, no Conan, so I'm going to have to be ready with a book to read (probably re-read Da Vinci Code, or another Dan Brown...I have read all of his four books and I'm looking forward to the sequel to The Da Vinci Code) and every now and then watch my fave channels.
My grasp for TV broadened immensely when I resigned from work two years ago. It lessened when I was practice teaching and is back again full force. So here I am, going to talk about my sister's favorite topic -- My Favorite TV Shows. (And I'll be confessing to watching even those crappy ones...hehehe)
The Apprentice
I probably still have business and corporate in my blood because I totally enjoy watching The Apprentice. It's silly really because the prize of this show is a job. Yes, they do not give millions, they give the winner a job! Anyway, I like the interaction, the bitches and the whining, the strategies and all the backhanded way each candidate stabbed at each other behind their backs. Besides, I like Bill, last season's winner and so far, this season's tasks are interesting. Ah...I don't miss corporate at all. Who needs corporate's understated, yet sometimes spiteful energy, when you can watch it on TV at the comfort of your room?
CSI Las Vegas
Ah, how can I resist science and drama coming together on TV? I don't know why I'm not very good at Science when I spend most of my TV nights in the past watching Discovery channel instead of telenovelas. But alas, my Scientific knowledge is not up to par, but my interest on the subject has always been piqued, by any sort of mystery. And CSI Las Vegas has all the right recipe for TV drama. I like the cast, I like the plots and I like how they solved each case every episode, trying to separate their personal lives from their work. Great stuff. I look forward to Wednesday nights.
American Idol
Here's the crappy TV show confession part. Well, I like Fantasia. So I watched this season from the very beginning. Sometimes I wonder at the decisions of Americans voting in the show. I don't know why Scott is still there and why Nadia is not getting the boot out. I swear, I will not eat desserts for a we-- okay, for 3 days as a sign of protest against all Americans if they still not let go of Scott or Nadia. Those two are the worst singers in that show! I like Carrie. I hope she wins. And I hope Scott and Nadia fall flat on their faces this week.
Queer Eye for the Straight Guy
The reasons for watching this show? Carson, Kyan, Jay, Ted and Thom. Enough said.
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno
The dry wit, the laughing at the expense of his guests, Headlines, Jaywalking, and all the Michael Jackson jokes? Who wouldn't like this show? I especially look forward to the opening act and the segments...those segments are the best. Headlines (i repeat), Jaywalking, Stuff we found on e-bay last Saturday is hilarious, though Teenage Wasteland need to be scrapped.
Late Night with Conan O'Brien
Conan is funny just by standing there. He can stare at the screen for five seconds and people will still laugh. The lanky redhaired geek who makes fun of other people and thinks he's gorgeous routine is fantastic. I have gotten used to watching Conan before going to sleep at night. My evening wouldn't be complete.
The Amazing Race & Charmed
TV shows I still watch from time to time that I loved to watch before. I still watch Charmed regularly but not religiously, you know what I mean? Amazing Race lost its appeal when they allowed and keep on allowing, might I add, Rob and Amber to be in the race and do despicable things.
Lost
I can't tell you much, except this -- I like it so far and everything's a mystery. I'm eagerly awaiting the next installment. What will happened to Jack? And how did Colonel Locke captured the boar? Hmmm... and the one million dollar question? Where really are they?
My Favorite Channels ---
Living Asia
It's about travel. It's about the beauty of Asia and the Philippines. I'm a travel fiend and I love my country. Can't ask for more...(And they are fond of quoting famous people about travelling. A Channel after my own heart!)
CNN/ BBC
Whether you believe me or not, you'll more often than not find my TV in CNN or BBC in the morning and at night after Conan if I'm still awake. I've made friends with Walter Rogers, Veronica Pedrosa, Christiane Amanpour and the rest (there's Richard, Alesio, Akita, Bill and so on and so forth) during the invasion of Iraq and I couldn't let go ever since. It was this two news network that made it possible for me to know the answer to the million peso question in Game Ka na Ba? this afternoon since I've been following news around the Pope since he got ill until the funeral. (The question? Where is the mosque, where PJPII visited - the first time a Pope ever visited a mosque, located? What Middle Eastern country?-- The answer? Wee hee, you probably already know the answer to that if you've been watching CNN or BBC, they kinda repeated this over and over again in relation with the Pope's eventful and legendary accomplishments and I was psyched that I knew the answer!). About BBC, sometimes, when I'm reading, I like turning the TV on and putting BBC...just so I can hear those British accents I so love to hear in the background.
National Geographic
Or Discovery Channel. I am a firm fan of Discovery Channel when SkyCable CAMANAVA still offer both channels. I find NG boring and Discovery has Ian Wright, GlobeTrekker, science mysteries, and so on and so forth. But since they deprived us of Discovery, (those wretched, despicable cable TV operators here in Camanava) I had no choice but to watch NG. And this is a case of learning to love the one you're with...I like watching Frontiers of Construction, Megastructures, and About Asia. Ah, those engineers building seemingly impossible construction feats gained sexy points right before my eyes.
HBO
Home Box Office. Movies you can watch at home. Again, 'nuff said.
---
Hah, I used to watch comedies...Frasier, Everybody Loves Raymond, Monk, Becker...those guys crack me up! Really. I like Niles, I like Raymond's brother Bob ('Does his name starts with an R and ends with an 'aymond'? cracks me up everytime, I tell you!) I like Monk and I like the condescending wit of Ted Danson in Becker. I still watch Will and Grace, Friends and Frasier though. But not religiously. Just if it happens to be on and there's nothing interesting in my favorite channels...
I wonder why I don't have a favorite pinoy tv show? Well, if I would've, it'll be one with Ryan Agoncillo on. But I don't like Krystala. I am neither a Kapamilya nor a Kapuso. My bro and sis will tear me apart for my saying I'm not a Kapamilya.
So, there. My most used keys in my remote control are 18, 19, 24, 28, 29, 35, 36, 37 and 44. Hmm... it's Monday today, so Queer Eye tonight. Alas, no Jay Leno, no Conan, so I'm going to have to be ready with a book to read (probably re-read Da Vinci Code, or another Dan Brown...I have read all of his four books and I'm looking forward to the sequel to The Da Vinci Code) and every now and then watch my fave channels.
Sunday, April 10, 2005
Metaphors
Future uncertain,
an obscure movie scene
playing right before
your eyes.
True Love,
what can I say?
It is April rain,
or a Blue Moon.
Happy days, lately,
are finding ice cream
on a hot summer day.
Despair
are pillows
that suffocate.
Loneliness
is a quicksand,
sucking
you right in.
Smiles, ah,
they are
rays of light,
in darkness.
Hugs
remind you
of all good things.
Kisses
are butterflies
that give Love
to the flowers,
to you.
Prayer
is a breath of
Hope.
Faith, the friend
you can always
count on,
...when Future is uncertain
...when True love eludes you,
...when Despair got a hold on you,
...when Loneliness slips in,
...when Happiness are few and far in between
...when Hope cannot be found anywhere.
Hug.
Kiss.
Smile.
Pray.
Always.
----
* I should no longer attempt poetry of some kind or whatever. Eloquence does not become me when I'm horridly worried.
an obscure movie scene
playing right before
your eyes.
True Love,
what can I say?
It is April rain,
or a Blue Moon.
Happy days, lately,
are finding ice cream
on a hot summer day.
Despair
are pillows
that suffocate.
Loneliness
is a quicksand,
sucking
you right in.
Smiles, ah,
they are
rays of light,
in darkness.
Hugs
remind you
of all good things.
Kisses
are butterflies
that give Love
to the flowers,
to you.
Prayer
is a breath of
Hope.
Faith, the friend
you can always
count on,
...when Future is uncertain
...when True love eludes you,
...when Despair got a hold on you,
...when Loneliness slips in,
...when Happiness are few and far in between
...when Hope cannot be found anywhere.
Hug.
Kiss.
Smile.
Pray.
Always.
----
* I should no longer attempt poetry of some kind or whatever. Eloquence does not become me when I'm horridly worried.
Saturday, April 9, 2005
Missing Piece
"We choose our joys and sorrows long before we experience them....The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain."
-- Kahlil Gibran (1883-1931), Lebanese-born American mystic poet, painter, "The Prophet"
I thought I was a stronger person than this. But sometimes, it just take a great hold of me and washes all my strength away. I promised myself I'll read Bo Sanchez book, because I saw him one day in a TV show. He said that some people are easier to heal, easier for them to get help, and easier for other people to comfort for their hurts are seen by everybody. But there are a lot of people who are suffering from Loneliness, Depression and Self-Doubt, and their hurts are more difficult to mend for you cannot possibly know how much they are really suffering.
Don't worry, I'm not suicidal. Neither am I falling on the brink of despair. But I am lonely. And I'm wracked by Self-doubt more often these days than ever before. If not for my Faith, I would be beyond repair. I'll have issues that no amount of analysis with friends will get through.
But I'm only human, and I falter. And this morning is one of those days.
I don't know why this is such a big deal. So what if I'm a single 28 yr old woman living with my parents with no job? (That sound really bad isn't it?) I often feel like a loser. But like my friend will always say, she can cope better if she had a boyfriend. If that is the case, then how did I manage to cope all these years? If that is the case, I should really be hopeless right now.
I'm trying to make it as little a deal as possible, this being alone thing. I'm trying to make light of my situation. Yes, I always tend to be a drama queen, milking my loneliness for as much as its worth. But sometimes, I crack under pressure. Seeing mothers my age, effervescent in their little world of having small children, raising a family, I cracked. Seeing happy beautiful couples, holding hands or touching one way or the other in the mall, and I cracked. There's my heart, breaking at each turn, silently asking my God why can't I have a piece of that happiness? There's my soul crying hopelessly, knowing that He loves me beyond belief and yet He has not given it to me, so maybe it's not meant to be.
You see, my Faith has given me strength I cannot possibly manage to summon on my own. When I was in High School, I was thinking I will be married by now, with possibly two children already. As the years passed, I revised that thinking. But now, I'm no longer thinking about it. Or else I fall into this abyss of loneliness and start the cycle of self-destructive thoughts. But my Faith and my God has kept me from falling into that brink. He keeps giving me miracles and blessings that I cannot possibly ignore Him no matter how much I often get saddened about this one thing.
On the other hand, I sometimes feel guilty for feeling unhappy and lonely. Why can't I be satisfied with what I have? Maybe it's human nature. Or maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm not built to be alone, but for some bad twist of fate, I do end up alone and I have to change what I am, and what I have always wanted and just settle for this. Or I choose to be lonely. I choose to put weight on this inconsequential thing, such a small thing compared to war and famine, this -- being alone, not being with somebody, or to be blunt, not having a guy. A guy...all these drama and whining and falling into the brink of despair, for one guy??? (Now I'm cringing. Why do I have to be so specific?)
Yes, as much as I loathe to admit it, all these for one guy, that faceless guy who was probably meant for me even before we were born, but got killed in the war or something (to be morbid about it) or is probably from India, both can just as easily took him away from me. And there are lots of things that had probably happened. I wouldn't know. I was here waiting for him to come. So maybe I'm meant to be alone. Who knows? I may just surprise myself that I can survive being alone, when everybody else is married, and all my friends have children, maybe I can.
Or maybe He'll take pity on me and give me a little bit of that kind of happiness. I'm happy with His other blessings, and I may not want it all, but I want that kind, and I pray that He'll know how much I want it. I want it more than I want more money. I want it more than I want to teach. Do you know how much is that? I've been wanting to teach since --- well I can't remember. Maybe I should want it with my whole soul. (I still want to travel more than I want to be with a guy...oh well.)
Hah. This blog is probably all nonsense to the lot of you. I just write after being woken up at 5:30 in the morning by a nightmare really, (had a dream that I'm in a party, alone, with all of my friends married and with children --- Gah!) and I nearly cried when I realize that it can happen and that probably lies ahead in my future. I probably sighed ten times already at the writing of this blog.
I still have no resolution, or no foreseeable hope (usually, I can pat myself in the back at the end of my blog, try to comfort myself with a thought or two). I have no comforting words to remember, or no prayer to say. I'll just end this blog like this. Still sad, still lonely beyond words. Quite hopeless, quite uncertain of what's to come.
-------
*maybe i should read Kahlil Gibran's The Prophet. I didn't mean to post another of his quotes, but it just fits -- the loneliness, the sorrow and the hope that cannot -- won't--- let go.
-- Kahlil Gibran (1883-1931), Lebanese-born American mystic poet, painter, "The Prophet"
I thought I was a stronger person than this. But sometimes, it just take a great hold of me and washes all my strength away. I promised myself I'll read Bo Sanchez book, because I saw him one day in a TV show. He said that some people are easier to heal, easier for them to get help, and easier for other people to comfort for their hurts are seen by everybody. But there are a lot of people who are suffering from Loneliness, Depression and Self-Doubt, and their hurts are more difficult to mend for you cannot possibly know how much they are really suffering.
Don't worry, I'm not suicidal. Neither am I falling on the brink of despair. But I am lonely. And I'm wracked by Self-doubt more often these days than ever before. If not for my Faith, I would be beyond repair. I'll have issues that no amount of analysis with friends will get through.
But I'm only human, and I falter. And this morning is one of those days.
I don't know why this is such a big deal. So what if I'm a single 28 yr old woman living with my parents with no job? (That sound really bad isn't it?) I often feel like a loser. But like my friend will always say, she can cope better if she had a boyfriend. If that is the case, then how did I manage to cope all these years? If that is the case, I should really be hopeless right now.
I'm trying to make it as little a deal as possible, this being alone thing. I'm trying to make light of my situation. Yes, I always tend to be a drama queen, milking my loneliness for as much as its worth. But sometimes, I crack under pressure. Seeing mothers my age, effervescent in their little world of having small children, raising a family, I cracked. Seeing happy beautiful couples, holding hands or touching one way or the other in the mall, and I cracked. There's my heart, breaking at each turn, silently asking my God why can't I have a piece of that happiness? There's my soul crying hopelessly, knowing that He loves me beyond belief and yet He has not given it to me, so maybe it's not meant to be.
You see, my Faith has given me strength I cannot possibly manage to summon on my own. When I was in High School, I was thinking I will be married by now, with possibly two children already. As the years passed, I revised that thinking. But now, I'm no longer thinking about it. Or else I fall into this abyss of loneliness and start the cycle of self-destructive thoughts. But my Faith and my God has kept me from falling into that brink. He keeps giving me miracles and blessings that I cannot possibly ignore Him no matter how much I often get saddened about this one thing.
On the other hand, I sometimes feel guilty for feeling unhappy and lonely. Why can't I be satisfied with what I have? Maybe it's human nature. Or maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm not built to be alone, but for some bad twist of fate, I do end up alone and I have to change what I am, and what I have always wanted and just settle for this. Or I choose to be lonely. I choose to put weight on this inconsequential thing, such a small thing compared to war and famine, this -- being alone, not being with somebody, or to be blunt, not having a guy. A guy...all these drama and whining and falling into the brink of despair, for one guy??? (Now I'm cringing. Why do I have to be so specific?)
Yes, as much as I loathe to admit it, all these for one guy, that faceless guy who was probably meant for me even before we were born, but got killed in the war or something (to be morbid about it) or is probably from India, both can just as easily took him away from me. And there are lots of things that had probably happened. I wouldn't know. I was here waiting for him to come. So maybe I'm meant to be alone. Who knows? I may just surprise myself that I can survive being alone, when everybody else is married, and all my friends have children, maybe I can.
Or maybe He'll take pity on me and give me a little bit of that kind of happiness. I'm happy with His other blessings, and I may not want it all, but I want that kind, and I pray that He'll know how much I want it. I want it more than I want more money. I want it more than I want to teach. Do you know how much is that? I've been wanting to teach since --- well I can't remember. Maybe I should want it with my whole soul. (I still want to travel more than I want to be with a guy...oh well.)
Hah. This blog is probably all nonsense to the lot of you. I just write after being woken up at 5:30 in the morning by a nightmare really, (had a dream that I'm in a party, alone, with all of my friends married and with children --- Gah!) and I nearly cried when I realize that it can happen and that probably lies ahead in my future. I probably sighed ten times already at the writing of this blog.
I still have no resolution, or no foreseeable hope (usually, I can pat myself in the back at the end of my blog, try to comfort myself with a thought or two). I have no comforting words to remember, or no prayer to say. I'll just end this blog like this. Still sad, still lonely beyond words. Quite hopeless, quite uncertain of what's to come.
-------
*maybe i should read Kahlil Gibran's The Prophet. I didn't mean to post another of his quotes, but it just fits -- the loneliness, the sorrow and the hope that cannot -- won't--- let go.
Monday, April 4, 2005
Last quiz
Hah, Remcy gave me an idea. If I don't have that much to say (like today) then I can post some quizzes that I think fits. (So I'm saying I'm really a Ballet Slippers!) Okay, so here's probably the last quiz you'll see...
A:
Where Does Your Beauty Lie? ..::Original Pictures Are Back! Detailed Results::..
brought to you by Quizilla
A:
Your Beauty lies
in Innocence. Pure, sweet and child-like. You most
likely look far younger than
you are and your smile would brighten up anyone's
day. Seen as naive and
sheltered, you can be ignorant at times, but for
the most part, it's simply your
reputation preceding you. You are most likely
rather aware of the realities of
life. You are extremely good natured and
trustworthy. By the same token, you are
a bit too trusting. Be careful, few are as honest
and open as you. You might
seem girlish still with a love of dresses, ponies,
and things most might deem
you "too old for". But this doesn't
bother you. You enjoy your youth and are
going to make it last. After all you are only as
old as you feel.
Some Things
That Represent You:
Element:
Light, Wind Animal: Kitten Color:
White, Pink, Pastels Song:
Beautiful Soul by Jesse McCartney
Expression: Innocent Smile
Gemstone:
Diamond Mythological Creature: Unicorn
Planet:
Moon Hair Color: White Eye Color:
Silver
Quote: "A
stranger is just a friend you haven't met
yet."
Where Does Your Beauty Lie? ..::Original Pictures Are Back! Detailed Results::..
brought to you by Quizilla
Saturday, April 2, 2005
Kisses *Mwah!*
You have a mysterious kiss. Your partner never
knows what you're going to come up with next;
this creates great excitement and arousal never
knowing what to expect. And it's sure to end
in a kiss as great as your mystery.
What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by
*Happy Birthday Bespren! Mwah!
Sign of Affection
cuddle and a kiss on the forehead - you like to be
close to your special someone and feel warm,
comfortable, and needed
What Sign of Affection Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
*Cuddle? and a Kiss on the forehead? Could I get any more of a Buddy? Shucks!!! But I like that picture. Tee hee.
Friday, April 1, 2005
Birthday and Quizzes
In light with remcy's upcoming birthday, (since I saw some quizzes in her blog), I'm posting some quiz results in my blog (backdated of course!). Here's another...
Your inner soul is content with the way it is. In
general you are a very sweet, caring person!
You love to kick back and hang out with your
friends, but you also enjoy time by yourself to
read a book and catch up on your studies. You
love the wildlife and you can always seem to
make the day better. Your lover is the luckiest
man in the world because people like you are
rare to come across. You love life but always
still have your head in reality.
What Is Your Inner Soul Trying To Say?
brought to you by Quizilla
Your inner soul is content with the way it is. In
general you are a very sweet, caring person!
You love to kick back and hang out with your
friends, but you also enjoy time by yourself to
read a book and catch up on your studies. You
love the wildlife and you can always seem to
make the day better. Your lover is the luckiest
man in the world because people like you are
rare to come across. You love life but always
still have your head in reality.
What Is Your Inner Soul Trying To Say?
brought to you by Quizilla
Dragons
I like dragons. I like reading about dragons. I was born in the Year of the Dragon. And Draco, whose name means dragon, is my favorite guy.
Your an ice dragon! Congrats! Out of all the
dragons, you are most powerful but do not like
to show it. A rare and special creture, you
have artistic style and are great at expressing
yourself. You think friends and Familly are the
most important, and are a hopeless romantic.
But of course, as ice goes, you can be a little
cold or harsh at times. But not to worry, you
always apoligize later!
What elemental dragon are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Your an ice dragon! Congrats! Out of all the
dragons, you are most powerful but do not like
to show it. A rare and special creture, you
have artistic style and are great at expressing
yourself. You think friends and Familly are the
most important, and are a hopeless romantic.
But of course, as ice goes, you can be a little
cold or harsh at times. But not to worry, you
always apoligize later!
What elemental dragon are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Element
Your Element Is Air |
 You dislike conflict, and you've been able to rise above the angst of the world. And when things don't go your way, you know they'll blow over quickly. Easygoing, you tend to find joy from the simple things in life. You roll with the punches, and as a result, your life is light and cheerful. You find it easy to adapt to most situations, and you're an open person. With you, what you see is what you get... and people love that! |
Of course, I'm Air. I'm a Libran, so yes, my element would have to be Air. And almost everything above is true. Go figure a quiz can remind me that when things don't go the way I like, it'll blow over quickly.
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