In Retrospect

Don't show me frogs and snakes

And listen for my scream,

If I'm afraid at all

It's only in my dreams.

- Maya Angelou, Life Doesn't Frighten Me At All



As the first day of the year dawned on me, I opened my eyes to see if it'll look any differently. I can hear distant sounds of firecrackers, probably leftover from the previous night, fading into the background. I looked at my arms, thighs and stomach, no difference, probably a little heavier solely because of the huge amount of food and drinks consumed last night. It feels no different from yesterday, but my whole being is telling me that it is. It is.



I can feel it telling me that this is the start of a brand new year, another year to fight, another year to live. This is the first day of a new hope and a stronger faith.



And I'm going to need it.



Faith. Hope. Love. These are essentials to live. I need to hold on to these, otherwise, my own fears will swallow me whole, and life will cover me with dust and throw me in the pit. I avoid Negative thoughts like a traumatized child seemingly oblivious to the past. I avoid it like the plague. I refuse to wallow in self-pity, although sometimes it creeps past through all my protective barriers, worming its way in. I refuse to enter the dark recesses of my mind consumed with fear, anger and desperation. Or I won't be able to get out.



Ah, life is just as it is.



It's hard to pity yourself the lack of this and that, when you only have to turn on the TV and see countless people lost everything they have. It's hard not to love, when new people keep coming in your life. It's hard not to hope, when the beginning of each day brings fresh beginnings and new starts. And I will continue to have faith, because when fear and desperation overcome love and hope, you only need to hold on to your faith, and it'll all turn out alright.



Why am I spouting serious thoughts so early in the morning? I don't know. I guess it's just my way of making sense of it all, and telling myself what's important.



After all, it's a brand new year. Life continues.



So will I.