Every breath, every prayer, and every day I spent living, I pretend that I know the purpose of my life. That is, to live, trusting Him all the way. But alas, I'm an ignorant fool. I cannot even begin to comprehend what goes on His mind, His heart and what He wants to do with my life. I pretend that I have control over it, that I can choose what to do with it, but it all depends on whether or not He allows those things to happen to me.
And knowing these things makes it harder for me to swallow the bitter pill. I've made some decisions that effected major changes in my life, and yet it somehow leads me to this path, questioning my very existence and dwelling on the point of what am I going to do next. And I'm thinking, why did He even allowed those to happen if it will only lead me to all these pointless musings of my very examined life.
I'm confused. I have all these plans going through my head. There are at least 5 different roads that I could take and I'm preparing to travel three roads, just in case. When did I learn how to prepare for a 'just in case' scenario, I wouldn't know. But my situation now calls for it, and what the heck, I needed a respite from being a bum before I start loving it too much to return to the land of the working and independent.
Now, I wonder, among these five roads, which I know He presented to me, am I the one going to make the decision which road to take? Or will He push me along the right one?
I'm now praying for Him to choose for me. As I know He usually does.
i was just reading Conversations With God last night. At the chapter I was reading, God was telling the author that most people prefer to wait for the "answer" or the "choice" to be given to them. He says that the reason for this is that it's too tiring to think for one's self. He points out though that he would want us to make this choice instead of waiting to be taken somewhere by chance or whatever. God sent us here to make choices, and these choices create who we are. It doesn't matter where you choose to go, as long as you're the one who makes the choice. Alam mo naman deep in your heart what you really want, right?
ReplyDeletejust a thought
Hmm, I think you misunderstood. You think I'm just sitting here, waiting for things to happen in my life, which is so far from the truth.
ReplyDeleteYou can only try to get what you want, right? I already did that. I'm just waiting for His response. And I'm not the most patient of people, that's why I'm confused in the meantime. He's the one who will choose whether to give it to me or not. That's why it's often called a blessing or a gift. I'm not so arrogant as to think it's all up to me and it's all my doing.
But I know what you mean, and yes, many people are like that, but I'm not one of them.