Doubt lingers.
Hope subsides.
Smile fades.
I long to dance.
Dance with someone
I looked around
Place empty
Scares me silly
So quiet.
No sound
but mine
Wonder how long
will I wait
till I can smile
again
Till Hope peeks in
or Doubt leaves me
wonder how long
will I
Stay
here in
Loneliness.
Sunday, February 27, 2005
Monday, February 21, 2005
Things I Learned
"Be aware of wonder. Live a balanced life--learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some." - Robert Fulghum, All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten
Tomorrow I say goodbye to my children. (Not really goodbye - goodbye, just --- goodbye, if you know what I mean.) And so as a tribute to my kids, I will try to tell you all the things I learned from them.
The Things I Learned from Third Grade Pupils
1. That we shouldn't always believed them when they say that you have dirt on your face or everybody will laugh at how gullible you are.
2. That giving a 50 cent Hello Kitty sticker goes a long way with 9 yr olds.
3. That laughing and joking with them will always be rewarded by a hug and a smile.
4. That kids are into details. The lies on their classmate's head, the dirt on your shirt, my pudgy fingers, unusual thick growth of hair on arms, dirty shoes, dirty nails, nice smile, small dimples and cute hairstyles are all in their observation list.
5. That we are all dancers and singers, whatever experts may say. As long as you dance and you sing and you smile all the while, the children will laugh all the way with you.
6. That holding grudges are for grownups. Children seldom hold grudges. Scold them terribly one day and tomorrow, they'll hug you during recess. Ah, the joys of being an early grade teacher.
7. That cheap lollipops and candies are the best if they are free. We grownups will get a free treat and if its cheap, we'll likely to complain. What are we complaining for? It's free right? But you'll make their day even with cheap lollipops and candies.
8. That children have a way of chasing troubles away. I should've been miserable last Valentines day, but because I received a dozen different roses, many thoughtful notes, and other stuffs like baloons, chocolates, heart-shaped candles, etc. I just don't have the strength to get lonely. I was too busy smiling and feeling charmed and happy.
9. That I like being hugged tight. It's a rare day that I don't get hugged. Some days are more blessed for sometimes I received more than two hugs with small smile and if I'm even luckier, a kiss.
10. That it's not hard to memorize names. Especially if they truly leave a an indelible mark on your life.
11. That they are not difficult to love and they are very easy to miss. One can't help but fall in love with them, even with all their weird, quirky, and boisterous ways.
12. That the worst of them can't still be compared with the best of us. Their worst is lazy but has the energy to run and play from 7 to 5 pm. Our best is responsible yes, but their worst is still far more full of wonder, and enthusiasm and good will than the most positive thinking adult. That's just the way it is.
...And so, I hope I'll still dance and sing and act and smile and laugh in spite of or despite the hardships that I still yet to face. I'm also crossing my fingers that in the midst of great loneliness, I'll remember my dozen roses, my chocolates, my love notes and their hugs and smiles and kisses.
--------
For: Caryl, Donabel, Elijah, Joy-joy, Justin, Ron-J, Charlie Magne, Alex, Aaron Joshua, Joanna, Vangie, Paulo, Carl, Kyle, Ryza, Arielle, Patrick, and Vince.
Tomorrow I say goodbye to my children. (Not really goodbye - goodbye, just --- goodbye, if you know what I mean.) And so as a tribute to my kids, I will try to tell you all the things I learned from them.
The Things I Learned from Third Grade Pupils
1. That we shouldn't always believed them when they say that you have dirt on your face or everybody will laugh at how gullible you are.
2. That giving a 50 cent Hello Kitty sticker goes a long way with 9 yr olds.
3. That laughing and joking with them will always be rewarded by a hug and a smile.
4. That kids are into details. The lies on their classmate's head, the dirt on your shirt, my pudgy fingers, unusual thick growth of hair on arms, dirty shoes, dirty nails, nice smile, small dimples and cute hairstyles are all in their observation list.
5. That we are all dancers and singers, whatever experts may say. As long as you dance and you sing and you smile all the while, the children will laugh all the way with you.
6. That holding grudges are for grownups. Children seldom hold grudges. Scold them terribly one day and tomorrow, they'll hug you during recess. Ah, the joys of being an early grade teacher.
7. That cheap lollipops and candies are the best if they are free. We grownups will get a free treat and if its cheap, we'll likely to complain. What are we complaining for? It's free right? But you'll make their day even with cheap lollipops and candies.
8. That children have a way of chasing troubles away. I should've been miserable last Valentines day, but because I received a dozen different roses, many thoughtful notes, and other stuffs like baloons, chocolates, heart-shaped candles, etc. I just don't have the strength to get lonely. I was too busy smiling and feeling charmed and happy.
9. That I like being hugged tight. It's a rare day that I don't get hugged. Some days are more blessed for sometimes I received more than two hugs with small smile and if I'm even luckier, a kiss.
10. That it's not hard to memorize names. Especially if they truly leave a an indelible mark on your life.
11. That they are not difficult to love and they are very easy to miss. One can't help but fall in love with them, even with all their weird, quirky, and boisterous ways.
12. That the worst of them can't still be compared with the best of us. Their worst is lazy but has the energy to run and play from 7 to 5 pm. Our best is responsible yes, but their worst is still far more full of wonder, and enthusiasm and good will than the most positive thinking adult. That's just the way it is.
...And so, I hope I'll still dance and sing and act and smile and laugh in spite of or despite the hardships that I still yet to face. I'm also crossing my fingers that in the midst of great loneliness, I'll remember my dozen roses, my chocolates, my love notes and their hugs and smiles and kisses.
--------
For: Caryl, Donabel, Elijah, Joy-joy, Justin, Ron-J, Charlie Magne, Alex, Aaron Joshua, Joanna, Vangie, Paulo, Carl, Kyle, Ryza, Arielle, Patrick, and Vince.
Sunday, February 20, 2005
End of Chapter One
"There are obviously two educations. One should teach us how to make a living and the other how to live."-- James Truslow Adams
I almost quit on my first day. On my second day, I slept right after my back touched my bed. By the third day, I'm almost certain I cannot make it. Now, it's only two more days with the kids and I'm already nostalgic.
Some teachers only remember the names of the smartest and the naughtiest kids. Since they are my first students, I can recite all their names. All 37 of them.
So many things I learned from the professor guiding me, and so much more from the children. I guess this is part of a teacher's life, we share knowledge and the children share their lives with us.
And here I am, saying goodbye, and hoping I can find the courage, and fan the passion for I'm crossing my fingers that I'll have new children to share lives with come June of this year.
I almost quit on my first day. On my second day, I slept right after my back touched my bed. By the third day, I'm almost certain I cannot make it. Now, it's only two more days with the kids and I'm already nostalgic.
Some teachers only remember the names of the smartest and the naughtiest kids. Since they are my first students, I can recite all their names. All 37 of them.
So many things I learned from the professor guiding me, and so much more from the children. I guess this is part of a teacher's life, we share knowledge and the children share their lives with us.
And here I am, saying goodbye, and hoping I can find the courage, and fan the passion for I'm crossing my fingers that I'll have new children to share lives with come June of this year.
Friday, February 11, 2005
Finding Neverland
"Grownups never understand anything for themselves, and it is tiresome for children to be always and forever explaining things to them." - Antoine de Saint-Exupery, The Little Prince
Now I know why they call it the wonder years. Those years when you're busy being a child to be anything else. I thought I couldn't stand children, and I struggled throughout my present schooling (a career shift, if I must say) that this is a contradiction in my character I cannot seem to fathom. We were only given a short time to teach and I thought I would breeze through this course and I wouldn't be affected by the children at all.
I thought wrong.
There's no need to ask now why teachers seem to aged well. They are surrounded with wonder every day and you cannot simply walk past it without letting it have an effect in your life. It's like walking in a path full of flowers, blooming right before your very eyes. You couldn't take your eyes off it and for a moment, time stopped. Then, another wonder will catch your eye and so on. It's a constant flagging of your attention to the wonder that is all around you permeating everything they touch. And I was so relieved to find out that I like children. I like being around them and I like seeing them learn and grow. I just hadn't found an opportunity to be around children before.
Everyday, I hear outlandish questions that were often voiced out. Even more outlandish answers were given, and not in the voice of speculation, but with a tone of reason, as if his answer is the right one. Observations of the tiniest detail like chin hair, tartar on teeth and lies on the head are food for gossips, but gossips of children are not done in whispers behind the person's back, oh no, they say it out loud to anyone who might care to listen, not thinking of sensibilities. Crying will ensue of course, and then I have to tell them to mind their classmate's feelings, and that it is not right to announce to the world that someone has tartar on their teeth. Then, they will say sorry, will hug each other and I will find them playing jackstones at the corridor later.
That's child's life.
Looking for a volunteer is no difficult task. Ask college students or grownups if anyone would care to lead the class in a dance, and all will shrink away from the teacher. But in elementary, kids will fight who gets to lead, that we, teachers have to choose at least 3 girls and 3 boys. Ah, the joy of teaching children. I ask if anyone can sing Pamela with matching dancing steps and everyone was standing on their feet in seconds. The teacher say we practice dancing Totoy Bibbo, and everyone is moving their hips, dancing enthusiastically as if they are entering a dance contest. And their most favorite time in school? Role playing. Grownups don't care much for role playing, such a waste of time when you can give the gist of the story with two lines or three. But their faces lit up when you announced that they have to present the story in a role play. And no one wants to be props manager either, everyone has to have a speaking part, or an acting part. Tee hee. You should see them acting their parents' occupations. I laughed the whole afternoon.
I thought my patience is thin. Maintaining the straight line during flag ceremony has never been more difficult a task. A girl will whisper something to the girl at her back and they will giggle mercilessly. A boy's attention will be caught by an older girl. Two boys keep shoving at each other, and so on and so forth. Pretty soon, I learned to turn a blind eye to minor things and just let them be. They are children after all. I wouldn't be content standing stiff for 30 minutes under the sun if I were them. I just don't let blatant disregard for rules pass by without a word or two with the pupil.
I thought the only thing that will come out of this is that I will be able to teach them something. I was wrong about that too. They taught me things I never knew about myself. They taught me patience, love for wonder, lack of inhibition (I was dancing Totoy Bibbo with the best of them!) and that teaching children means learning a thing or two about yourself every day.
Best of all is the sound of laughter. There were tears but laughter almost always follows.
Ah, the corporate world really is another world from this.
Now I know why they call it the wonder years. Those years when you're busy being a child to be anything else. I thought I couldn't stand children, and I struggled throughout my present schooling (a career shift, if I must say) that this is a contradiction in my character I cannot seem to fathom. We were only given a short time to teach and I thought I would breeze through this course and I wouldn't be affected by the children at all.
I thought wrong.
There's no need to ask now why teachers seem to aged well. They are surrounded with wonder every day and you cannot simply walk past it without letting it have an effect in your life. It's like walking in a path full of flowers, blooming right before your very eyes. You couldn't take your eyes off it and for a moment, time stopped. Then, another wonder will catch your eye and so on. It's a constant flagging of your attention to the wonder that is all around you permeating everything they touch. And I was so relieved to find out that I like children. I like being around them and I like seeing them learn and grow. I just hadn't found an opportunity to be around children before.
Everyday, I hear outlandish questions that were often voiced out. Even more outlandish answers were given, and not in the voice of speculation, but with a tone of reason, as if his answer is the right one. Observations of the tiniest detail like chin hair, tartar on teeth and lies on the head are food for gossips, but gossips of children are not done in whispers behind the person's back, oh no, they say it out loud to anyone who might care to listen, not thinking of sensibilities. Crying will ensue of course, and then I have to tell them to mind their classmate's feelings, and that it is not right to announce to the world that someone has tartar on their teeth. Then, they will say sorry, will hug each other and I will find them playing jackstones at the corridor later.
That's child's life.
Looking for a volunteer is no difficult task. Ask college students or grownups if anyone would care to lead the class in a dance, and all will shrink away from the teacher. But in elementary, kids will fight who gets to lead, that we, teachers have to choose at least 3 girls and 3 boys. Ah, the joy of teaching children. I ask if anyone can sing Pamela with matching dancing steps and everyone was standing on their feet in seconds. The teacher say we practice dancing Totoy Bibbo, and everyone is moving their hips, dancing enthusiastically as if they are entering a dance contest. And their most favorite time in school? Role playing. Grownups don't care much for role playing, such a waste of time when you can give the gist of the story with two lines or three. But their faces lit up when you announced that they have to present the story in a role play. And no one wants to be props manager either, everyone has to have a speaking part, or an acting part. Tee hee. You should see them acting their parents' occupations. I laughed the whole afternoon.
I thought my patience is thin. Maintaining the straight line during flag ceremony has never been more difficult a task. A girl will whisper something to the girl at her back and they will giggle mercilessly. A boy's attention will be caught by an older girl. Two boys keep shoving at each other, and so on and so forth. Pretty soon, I learned to turn a blind eye to minor things and just let them be. They are children after all. I wouldn't be content standing stiff for 30 minutes under the sun if I were them. I just don't let blatant disregard for rules pass by without a word or two with the pupil.
I thought the only thing that will come out of this is that I will be able to teach them something. I was wrong about that too. They taught me things I never knew about myself. They taught me patience, love for wonder, lack of inhibition (I was dancing Totoy Bibbo with the best of them!) and that teaching children means learning a thing or two about yourself every day.
Best of all is the sound of laughter. There were tears but laughter almost always follows.
Ah, the corporate world really is another world from this.
Tuesday, February 8, 2005
Pleading Guilty
I can't seem to write as often as I should these days, not because I don't have stories to tell, (goodness knows I have children and classroom stories to tell almost everyday), but because I just don't feel like writing. I feel guilty everytime I read something other than my next lesson because there are lots of things to do and as usual, I'm procrastinating.
Like what I'm doing now.
Anyway, I just felt guilty again because I'm trying hard not to think of the consequences of what I did to 3 of my pupils yesterday when I made them cry. I thought hard and couldn't think of one incident when they cried because of their professor but I made them cry because I humiliated them in front of the class.
Gah!
I'm a bad teacher and I haven't even started.
I'm thinking of other ways and means of how to handle the situation without humiliating the pupils and or/ short of punishing them physically.
I hope in time I'll learn how to be effective without traumatizing the children.
Like what I'm doing now.
Anyway, I just felt guilty again because I'm trying hard not to think of the consequences of what I did to 3 of my pupils yesterday when I made them cry. I thought hard and couldn't think of one incident when they cried because of their professor but I made them cry because I humiliated them in front of the class.
Gah!
I'm a bad teacher and I haven't even started.
I'm thinking of other ways and means of how to handle the situation without humiliating the pupils and or/ short of punishing them physically.
I hope in time I'll learn how to be effective without traumatizing the children.
Tuesday, February 1, 2005
Teaching Children
This has probably been the longest time I've gone without a blog. Maybe not, but it feels like it. I couldn't blame it on anything because it's only now that I'm adjusting to teaching.
I've been studying Education for a while now, but actually teaching, children especially, gave me a whole new respect for all of my previous teachers. The Know-it-all, elderly agents I've trained during my Philamlife days cannot hold a torch against 38 Grade 3 pupils. My last boss, who can make me grit my teeth in frustration at least once every week, is nothing compared to the demands of 9-year olds.
I've told hundreds of stories about the things that happened in my life during the time I was working and so deep into the corporate world. I've only started teaching and I can already tell you dozens of stories about the children. What they are like, if they are shy, noisy, boisterous or smart. I can tell you the the inexplicable feeling of gladness or happiness when two bullies in my class finally learned how to get all the prime factors of a number. And then, there's this story of a boy eating at KFC immediately after class. Or the fire drills where I was the last one to get out of the room and almost had a laughing fit when I saw a pile of six 9-year old boys in the corridor. Another story was when I almost lost my patience and nearly humiliated half of the class with their very low scores. I felt guilty for hours after that. Good thing I was able to redeemed myself with a game for the children to play.
Almost everyday, I will stumble in our living room, tired, and worn out, but one cannot really describe the satisfaction one get in teaching, in seeing children learn something new, and in hearing the innocent remarks children make.
I used to have big doubts about my second career.
I don't have it now.
I've been studying Education for a while now, but actually teaching, children especially, gave me a whole new respect for all of my previous teachers. The Know-it-all, elderly agents I've trained during my Philamlife days cannot hold a torch against 38 Grade 3 pupils. My last boss, who can make me grit my teeth in frustration at least once every week, is nothing compared to the demands of 9-year olds.
I've told hundreds of stories about the things that happened in my life during the time I was working and so deep into the corporate world. I've only started teaching and I can already tell you dozens of stories about the children. What they are like, if they are shy, noisy, boisterous or smart. I can tell you the the inexplicable feeling of gladness or happiness when two bullies in my class finally learned how to get all the prime factors of a number. And then, there's this story of a boy eating at KFC immediately after class. Or the fire drills where I was the last one to get out of the room and almost had a laughing fit when I saw a pile of six 9-year old boys in the corridor. Another story was when I almost lost my patience and nearly humiliated half of the class with their very low scores. I felt guilty for hours after that. Good thing I was able to redeemed myself with a game for the children to play.
Almost everyday, I will stumble in our living room, tired, and worn out, but one cannot really describe the satisfaction one get in teaching, in seeing children learn something new, and in hearing the innocent remarks children make.
I used to have big doubts about my second career.
I don't have it now.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)